h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Bars, Stools and The Single Woman - A900415
Author: Perditax - U211844

Bars, Stools and The Single Woman

Hi Perditax,

welcome to h2g2, and the writer's workshop.

Out on the tiles last night by any chance?

I like your piece, , it's fun and i like the personal style and perspective.

It's good you chose the WW for this first piece, i think, coz it's debatable as to whether it's the kind of thing that will get through the editing process.

Don't Panic!

that's no big deal, and you should'nt take my word as law, , wait and see what others say. You will get lots of different comments here and we don't all agree.

Besides, as is said, i really do like this piece, for sharing it with us, .

one or two details for you...

In your 'order of preference' list you say: "The man who was quite clearly after you"

- I actually misunderstood this first time round (). I *did* get it, but it remains ambiguous (especially in the context)

and later you mention 'assent' in a context where i'm sure you intended it with a 'c'; once again, the slip might be thought of as Freudian...

so, i hope you get lots of good feedback on this, and look forward to reading future entries,
cya
spiff

Hi Perditax

I enjoyed reading this and think you should submit it to <./>The Post</.> where it would get the wider readership it deserves.



Sprout

Hold your horses. Are we sure this is unsuitable for the EG?

As for Spiff's problem with the "order of preference" list, would that be solved by writing the previous sentence in the second person, i.e. "...you will find the following rules of precedence apply:"?

Spelling mistake: blatent -> blatant

Hi Bagpuss,

the ambiguity came from 'after you'... ie in line to get served at the bar, or 'trying to get in your pants'

i didn't see how your proposed change would resolve that...

as for it being EG material, i agree it is debatable. Need some more feedback. If the question is not decided here in the WW it can always go into PR to see what the reception there is like.

seeya
spiff

I loved it! I don't see why it wouldn't be guide material, but then I don't know much about that. I do know what it's like to try to get a drink if you have to nerve to go into a bar by yourself. I think this sums it up nicely

Hello Spiff.

The possible double entendre of "after you" had completely not occured to me. On the other hand I did have to read it twice to realise who "you" was.