Bars, Stools and The Single Woman
Created | Updated Feb 19, 2003
There seems to be an unwritten rule that all bars follow religiously and that is women are to be discouraged from the bar area at all costs. The tactics used range from the blatently obvious to the deviously subtle but all have the same aim, to keep the bar an all-male preserve.
The first step is to people the bar area with as many 6 foot tall men as is humanly possible. This sheer mass of males is enough to daunt many a single girl out on the razz. It may be news to all the Y chromosome carrying ones of us out there but most women do not feel comfortable having to squeeze in-between two men, unless they love them both very, very much or have negotiated a reasonable fee from them beforehand. If however you are a female and you are enterprising enough to get through the blockade then you must be prepared for the inevitable wait to be served.
The wait to be served is not like any normal wait in a queue where in the most part the first come first served rule applies. At any public bar a strange and esoteric variant is in force where the following rules of precedence apply.
Friends of the bar staff
Regulars
Semi-regulars
The man who was quite clearly after you.
You.
After 15 minutes and the evaporation of a previously good mood you will eventually be served but only if you have followed the correct proceedure of tutting loudly, shouting me next and then finally threatening to sue them for their blatent breaching of your human rights.
These are obvious ways to prevent a woman interfacing in a deep and meaningful way with the tipple of her choice. Far more insidious is the bar stool.
The bar stool is designed to make the bar look like a woman friendly area however this is a smokescreen. The stool is a tall, spindly legged construct that has a seat designed only to fit the bottom's of 5 year olds, and five year olds that are small for their age at that. In combination with high heel shoes, tight skirts and five cocktails in your bloodstream the bar stool is a recipe for disaster. They are scaled rather than sat on and as difficult and perilous as the assent seems it is nothing when compared with the descent and the possibility of of your skirt getting caught on the stool and giving everyone a flash of your frillies.
My advice to any female out there wishing to imbibe is to fight the system and enslave one of those rogue bar blocking males. Not only does it reduce their numbers but it also means you never have to go to the bar yourself as you can get one of them to do it instead by using feminine wiles, flattery and above all the threat of violence to their favourite album
The first step is to people the bar area with as many 6 foot tall men as is humanly possible. This sheer mass of males is enough to daunt many a single girl out on the razz. It may be news to all the Y chromosome carrying ones of us out there but most women do not feel comfortable having to squeeze in-between two men, unless they love them both very, very much or have negotiated a reasonable fee from them beforehand. If however you are a female and you are enterprising enough to get through the blockade then you must be prepared for the inevitable wait to be served.
The wait to be served is not like any normal wait in a queue where in the most part the first come first served rule applies. At any public bar a strange and esoteric variant is in force where the following rules of precedence apply.
Friends of the bar staff
Regulars
Semi-regulars
The man who was quite clearly after you.
You.
After 15 minutes and the evaporation of a previously good mood you will eventually be served but only if you have followed the correct proceedure of tutting loudly, shouting me next and then finally threatening to sue them for their blatent breaching of your human rights.
These are obvious ways to prevent a woman interfacing in a deep and meaningful way with the tipple of her choice. Far more insidious is the bar stool.
The bar stool is designed to make the bar look like a woman friendly area however this is a smokescreen. The stool is a tall, spindly legged construct that has a seat designed only to fit the bottom's of 5 year olds, and five year olds that are small for their age at that. In combination with high heel shoes, tight skirts and five cocktails in your bloodstream the bar stool is a recipe for disaster. They are scaled rather than sat on and as difficult and perilous as the assent seems it is nothing when compared with the descent and the possibility of of your skirt getting caught on the stool and giving everyone a flash of your frillies.
My advice to any female out there wishing to imbibe is to fight the system and enslave one of those rogue bar blocking males. Not only does it reduce their numbers but it also means you never have to go to the bar yourself as you can get one of them to do it instead by using feminine wiles, flattery and above all the threat of violence to their favourite album
