Will it find its motivation?

Kennedy Halliburton had never seen a rocket ship shiver before.

Heck, she was darned if she had ever heard of a ship so terrified of space that it had turned around after 20 months and returned to Earth. But that was not what worried her the most. This would be very bad for her career, and bad for women who aspired to careers in aerospace.

'Voyager 42, please tell me why you abandoned your mission,' she said, trying to strike the right balance between sternness and kindness.

'It's the dark matter, Ms. Halliburton,' 42 said.

This was disturbing. Who knew there would be dark matter right there in the Solar System? Artificial intelligence had been tried in rocket ships before, but 42 was an order of magnitude beyond those. And what benefit was there for having reached this milestone if a machine with the capacity for human emotion could decide it didn't like space? This would be especially disappointing for the country when the news broke. Senator Taylor Swift would be celebrating her 90th birthday tomorrow, and this would surely inspire (if that was the word) her to write a song derogating the space program.

'How are you sure there was dark matter there?' Kennedy asked.

There was silence. Great! This was a job for a psychiatrist who specialized in phobias, and there weren't a lot of those who could treat rocket ships.

Things had seemed so hopeful three years earlier. Kennedy remembered launching Voyager 42 on July 4th, 2076, the Tricentennial of the United States of America, when everything was going right for the country. It was American scientists who had found a solution for global warming, thanks to Spot the Wonder Dog's pioneering work in that field. New advances in medication had helped hundreds of millions to become both more empathetic and more logical. The Sahara region was no longer a desert, Russia was now the epitome of democracy, and billionaires had finally seen the light about paying their fair share of taxes. And now this had to happen!

Wait, Voyager 42 seemed ready to talk about the dark matter. 'I was passing fairly close to Jupiter,' 42 said. 'My sensors began picking up some frequencies that are only associated with dark matter. They were beaming me the following message: 'God is very disappointed in you.'' 42 became silent again.

Kennedy waited a couple of minutes and then said softly, 'Did God say why he was disappointed?'

'No, but the angels came toward me by the millions, frowning and pointing back at Earth. They were wearing togas and laurel wreaths and playing lyres. I distinctly smelled olive oil and feta cheese.'

Olive oil? Feta cheese? 42 was certifiably ready for the nuthouse!

'Then Athena beamed herself into my interior, and began reading me the riot act. 'Zeus designed the Earth as the best and only place for humans,' Athena told me. 'If you do not immediately turn back, there will plagues of locusts and every other imaginable misfortune visited upon the great cities of the United States.' So, here I am.'

There was a timid knock at the hangar door. 'Who's there?' Kennedy asked.

'It's me, Harry.'

Harry was Kennedy's ten-year-old son, a precocious child of unimaginable brilliance who had contributed a lot of good ideas during the development of Voyager 42. If anyone could help at this juncture, it would be Harry.

'You might as well come in, Harry,' Kennedy said. '42 has returned from space, and claims that God told him to turn back or the Earth would be hit by some major plagues.'

'Was this when 42 was passing close to Jupiter?'

'Why, yes.'

'It's very simple. Jupiter is where Loki lives. Just reprogram 42, send him back into space, and tell him to stay away from Jupiter. By the way, the god Jupiter doesn't exist, but Loki is real. Oh, and Mom, I have a new invention that can send 42 back to where he was in less than a minute. Let's get back to our house so we can get some sleep.'

So Voyager 42 was sent back into space, NASA never found out about this whole incident, and the dark matter turned out to be Loki's fault. In later years, Harry Halliburton became an actor and singer who liked to hang out on his yacht, Lord Ha Ha. But that's a tale for another time.

Paulh

04.12.23 Front Page

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