h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well that was the Spike Milligan, rather than John Masefield, conclusion to the poem...

It might just be me, but on the whole I don't think additional inclusivity is a virtue when it comes to nuclear apocalyptic Armageddon. But if increased compassion, listening and understanding developed through the medium of poetry prevents such an event, I'm all for it.

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I've worked in several naval shipyards, the amount of writing that's scribbled underneath bulk and deckheads would shock you... Most are simple signatures and dates, but, yes, there are poems, limericks and rhymes galore!
Most would cause the philter to explode though
Fascinating when we got to re-fit a vessel, never knew what you'd find!

Anything written on ships built by JS White in the 1930s might've been left by my grandad, or on ships built by Vosper Thornycroft, Groves and Gutteridge or Fairey Marine in the 1970s & 80s may have been my dad...

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Tommy Tuberville may represent the state of Alabama, but he hasn't lived there in years. He's said publicly that his current house is in Florida. He doesn't know where he is, and he thinks he's an expert on naval affairs? Or poetry, for that matter. You'd think he would want would-be poets to do something useful or concrete by working jobs in the military to get some grounding in life. I never did so, and this is the sort of nonsense I come up with when I write about carriers:

A teacher, a cook, and a farrier
All stood on the deck of a carrier.
They drank Rhenish wine,
And discussed Wittgenstein,
Who once tried to lie to a terrier.

You want me to pilot a paper plane
In a category five hurricane?
You're out of your mind, Fritz.
I'll never make it to the Nimitz.

Put that on the hull of all carriers in big bright pink lettering. It might confuse the AI controlled bombs of the enemy and make them reconsider who the real villain is.

Even Vogons use it as an offensive weapon.

Art is important.

Would the military have camouflage patterns without artists?

We also needed the poets yesterday - to write comic verse about the F-35 stealth fighter that the Marine Corps managed to lose over South Carolina.

Before people yell too loudly, yes, that was a big plane. But 25% of South Carolina is swamp, now given the fancier name of wetlands. It's a wonderful rice-growing region - but not a place you want to be in when someone yells, 'We can't find that plane - it's invisible to radar!'

Poof, 80 million dollars went
Up in smoke in one event
Unobservable by anyone
Hidden away in fens and swamps
Such budget spending makes a dent.

That's much nicer than the conspiracy theories.

South Carolina's swamps are home to a subspecies of Monarch butterfly that doesn't migrate. It exists in robust numbers. Yay!

Good for them, just watch out for falling debris.

Maybe the butterflies can help find the plane.

If they left the light on moths would go there in an instant.

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Good point