h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Day 10


The women wake up early and together they blindfold the groaning men, then leading them outside to sit on a stack of hides and get some fresh air to their brains.

Together they take the collection of coloured stones each has brought up and start grinding them into fine powders. Every shade of the rainbow is present. Once finished they start drawing on the faces of the four still semiconscious men. Giggling is involved, quite a lot of it. Bora is amazed to find out that over the generations, none of the men have ever found out about the third language, passed on from mother to daughter. Bora is very proud of the nice floral pattern they created on Pato’s forehead. Now they will just have to finish braiding his beard before distributing the drink that will put some life back into the still blindfolded men. Leaving the men to cope with life as it is, the women go and prepare their best ritual dresses and then paint their faces together, in a much more refined and less obvious way than the men, although the clear blue shade is used by all four of them.

Once finished, the men are herded up the relatively easy slope of the Western peak, still blindfolded, and put in their designated positions on the flat summit.

Then the women have breakfast. They all enjoy it mightily.

Pato is currently not the epitome of enjoyment. The pounding in his head easily blanks out the otherwise mighty rumbling from the Eastern peak. He regrets drinking that peculiar stuff last night. He regrets even more having had to drink the brew given to him this morning. Icicles are still being hammered into his spine and he has a terrible itch on his forehead which he cannot reach due to his lightly but effectively bound hands. He vaguely remembers having walked up a slippery slope. A cramp is developing in his now freezing right calf when he hears incessant giggling at a short distance. He doesn’t understand a word of what is being said.

Bora sees that Pato is hopping on one leg and making frantic movements to reach his nose. This is all in vain, especially when Pato keels over into the snow. She gets up and sedately drifts to her brother to save what is left of his dignity. A wide grin spreads across her face when she sees the nice floral imprint in the snow, just where his face hit it.

Pato is glad to hear the friendly and understanding voice of his sister when she helps him up and tells him they are about to start the ritual. She releases one of his hands and says he has to point it straight forward and keep it like that until it is all over.

Getting back to the girls she has now come to know as Keela, Yusna and Aryna, she discusses when the fun will stop and serious business will commence. Since they have already decided on the outcome, it is now imperative that they make it look like the men had any say in it. They once more rehearse the questions and the corresponding answers.

Pato suffers more cramp. His shoulder is burning with it. Judging from what light leaks past his blindfold, it must be nearly midday. At least the snow took care of that itch, now his nose just hurts from impact. He wonders what are they waiting for. It is too quiet.

Suddenly the chant starts. First slowly, then picking up pace and revolving around Pato.

Bora, standing next to Pato, has to suppress her laughter when she hears the lyrics of the chant. Her mother sang that to her when she was being put to sleep as a small child, when the men were away.
When the chant stops as suddenly as it had started, Bora tells Pato to point in a direction. As he does so, the girls move around on tiptoe, so that Aryna is in front of the pointing finger.

Pato gets to ask his first question.

Aryna answers in a way he likes, very much so.

Bora asks Pato if he has decided.

Pato doesn’t want to decide based on just one answer from one woman, so after another run of chanting, he asks his second question.

By the same method, again it is Aryna who gives the answer that Bora prepared for her.

Bora again asks Pato if he has decided.

Doubt is filling Pato’s mind. Which answer did he like more? He decides that his third question will be the decisive one, if he can suppress the gonging sound in his ears for long enough to actually hear it.

Bora is under the impression that Pato will submit to anything right now, as long as he can take off his blindfold and lie down. This is not exactly as it should be, so she first gives Pato some more of the reviving drink, to at least simulate a modicum of free will.

After sipping the drink, Pato feels a rush of frozen hedgehogs all over his body. The icicles through his spine are back again as well.

His third question is also miraculously and perfectly answered by a smiling Aryna, although it is unclear whether Pato has noticed it is her again.

This time, he exclaims: “I have decided! She is the one!”

Aryna emits a suitable shriek of joy and walks over as Bora removes Pato’s blindfold. She reaches him just in time to catch him as he says “Hi” and goes down like a log.

After They have covered a delirious Pato in warm blankets and hides, Bora, Keela and Yusna move to the other group for the next part of the ritual, leaving Pato to the care of Aryna.

This time it is Bora in the middle, with the three blindfolded men around her. The process is slightly different now. She asks each one two questions, playing on the weaknesses exposed to her by the other girls about the prospective unchosen two. She can now make her choice in a convincing way. Since Bora is the outsider, her choice will decide who will be eligible for Chieftainship of her new Clan in the future. Last night they discussed the politics of the other Clan and decided that the middle brother seemed most promising as Chief material. Bora has a sneaking suspicion that the two sisters Keela and Yusna have long ago decided who their picks were going to be, but she is rather satisfied with what she has got, so she doesn’t linger on it.

When the rituals are all over, the three brothers are even further away from reality than Pato was, so after some loving care, lots of blankets and a few sips of the special herb extract, the whole group staggers back down to the camp for the night.

Sounds like every biker rally I've ever been to! Great stuff, beware frozen hedgehogs!

This is brilliant, laugh-out-loud funny, and very, very good anthropology!

You even picked up on the women's language business!

I also notice something: our stories are following similar pacing, aren't they? We've had some kind of turn in chapter 10, you, me, and FWR.

[Not quite offtopic: Have you ever seen 'Quest for Fire'?]

Very. Are you sure you didn't have a shaman ancestor? Didyou read anthropology at university?

Thanks

If you go back far enough, everyone runs the risk of a Shaman ancestor.

Does mechanical engineering count as well?

Haven't seen Quest for fire. I'll put it on the list of things to watch.

I agree about the shamans. I'll bet you'll laugh at 'Quest for Fire'. It's a classic.

An interesting way to choose a partner!