h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Goubert peered into the gory pit. The heathen was still. Body impaled from head to legs, axe still twitching in his giant hand.

Goubert looked past the young boy, bound and secure against escape, across at the wounded Rulf, collapsed on his knees, consciousness leaving him through loss of blood. He gripped a handful of hair, yanking Rulf's head back to sneer into his face.

*Too quick! I wanted to carve the heathen's face, before he went to Hell! No matter, the ugly beast is slain, but you, you will suffer a more fitting end!*

He swung his fist, shattering Rulf's nose, but the blow was hardly felt.

*I was going to take your tongue, as I took your stinking father's, but perhaps it would be more amusing to hear you scream and beg, no?*

Goubert, annoyed by the lack of reaction, drew back his boot, the kick landing squarely on the wounded shoulder. Rulf crumpled to the ground and sobbed. Eyes unfocused on his persecutor as Goubert stooped lower and took in his ravaged features.

*Ah! But of course!*

Goubert sniffed the air above Rulf's bloody face, like a dog picking up an almost forgotten scent,

*The houndsman! You looked almost civilized, but I knew you smelt wrong! The diMasci Estate! You have travelled far boy, but cannot escape your common ungodly beginnings! See? I told you I had an excellent memory for faces, oh, but what an ugly face you have now!*

Pleased with himself, Goubert indulged himself with one last punch into the unfeeling flesh beneath him.

*At least the heathen fought almost like a man, but died like the stinking animal he was!*

Beaten and bereaved, Rulf prayed Tadgh would have a swift journey across the Bridge to the Great Halls.

Goubert happily noted his grief, calmly unhitched his breeches, and listening to the sounds of the stream, relieved his aching bladder into the pit.

Goubert was still laughing as Rulf finally gave into the darkness.

This is wild stuff!

Oh dear, surely you're not going to let Goubert win!

Maybe he will be haunted by monsters all through december?

Is there no chance of a kind soul finding Rulf and nursing him back to health?