h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

DG:

Somebody commented this morning that the years seem to fly by. I don't know about that, but it seems only yesterday NT Hoggett was parking his tractor behind the Post Office. We felt quite privileged, especially as he'd driven it all the way down Main Street, Hooverville.

"Was that the best you could do in a trade for Dobbin?"

Sorry! Gotta do it


A chap goes in to a local pub/bar and everyone is coughing and spluttering, due to the amount of cigarette smoke in the place.
The landlord says that the air conditioning unit has broken down and gives his apologies for the discomfort to everyone!
At this! The chap takes a deep deep deep breath and sucks in all the smoke in the room, goes outside and expels it to the atmosphere.
On return to the bar, the landlord asks how did you do that ?

The chap replied I'm a ex tractor fan!

Never heard that before.

Chances are, we won't hear it again, either.

don't bet on it

What are the odds of that happening?

"elementary dear Watson"

So, Holmes and Watson were buddies in first grade?

Which of them cleaned the erasers at the end of class?

By gad! It was Moriarty again

I thought Moriarty attended a different school.

nah! That was a moratorium

A Moriaritorium?

he couldn't spell

He should have gone to a better school, then!

he said wots hay skuul ?

This is what Sherlock Holmes said about Moriarty's intelligence:

"He is the Napoleon of crime, Watson. He is the organizer of half that is evil and of nearly all that is undetected in this great city. He is a genius, a philosopher, an abstract thinker. He has a brain of the first order.

http://bakerstreet.fandom.com/wiki/James_Moriarty