h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'Gold, Frankenstein's Monster and Mermaids, or; The Nativities are Restless'
A comic book adaptation of the Nativity story – the greatest story ever told – as you've never seen it before, adapted from the Gospel of Luke, the Gospel of Matthew and quite possibly the Life of Brian.

Mary! Joseph! Angels, all of whose names end in 'el'! Genealogy (not to be confused with Gynaecology)! Embalming! Incest! Census Data! A Magi with Less Brains than a Magpie (hence Frankenstein's Monster and the Mermaids)! With YOUR CHILD as Shepherd Three!* Starring and music by Madonna! (What do you mean not *that* Madonna? Some ancient woman named Mary? But we're all set for Madonna's big musical number 'Like a Virgin' when she meets Angel Gabriel!?') A badly-drawn donkey! And quite possibly the Battle of Hastings!

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* Terms and conditions apply. If you have more than one child, alternate the child you have in mind each time Shepherd Three speaks. If you have less than one child, either have/borrow one or shrug.

We definitely recommend a baby doll play the role of Jesus. Unfortunate things have happened with borrowed infants...

I particularly look forward to the census data!

I played Angel Gabriel because it was a good role for my wheelchair but I am familiar with the role of Shepherd Three and shall borrow a child in due course

From my experience as working with HESA (Higher Education Statistics Agency) data I've learnt that, when you every student has to fill out an online background survey in order to apply for a place here, between a quarter and a third of applicants will just click the top option because they don't care. So officially the university has vast numbers of Black British Bisexual Buddhists with Criminal Convictions who would Prefer Not To Say about their parents' occupation. It is also a fact that whenever a Census is taken, a rumour spreads that says that if the majority of people in the country said they were of a specific religion, that the Queen has to change to become that religion. This predated the internet and craze to claim you are a Jedi – back in the 1971 census the rumour was that if everyone said they were a Druid the Queen would have to dance naked around Stonehenge every Solstice.

How was your wheelchair's performance as Gabriel? Of course some angels (Ophanim) are traditionally depicted as being wheel-shaped, so that is a not-unsuitable role for the chair to be, see: A39805941. Did you get to be in it too, or just your chair? You could both have been angels together, thus:



I've been in numerous nativities over the years and was even once chosen to play Joseph for the final year at Primary School, which required singing my own song (only I got stage-fright halfway through and lost confidence about remembering the words to the second verse, so froze a tad, alas).

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The English have a weird idea of democracy... But just imagine if we could do that to presidents...

Okay, my worst Christmas pageant experience. I was, oh, 16 or 17, and my mom pulled 'The Box' out of the attic. The one that contained (1) Christmas pageant, children, for the presenting of. Complete with frankincense (an old perfume bottle), gold (a tin-plated jewellery box) and myrrh (a fancy music box with the lid taped shut because it played 'La vie en rose').

Then my mom said, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy - to me, for I am not going to direct this year's Christmas pageant. You are.'

'But I always play the piano,' I protested.

'So multi-task,' she said.

And thus I found myself pointing to a 4-year-old and saying, 'And there were shepherds abiding in the field. You are a shepherd. Go and abide in the field.'

Whereupon the little beggar burst out crying, and my sister yelled at me.

Alas there is a lot of pressure in the final year production, so stage fright can't be helped. My school did a summer play in which final year pupils all had to pretend we were adults with our dream jobs - I managed to say my piece, but forgot the line that was the cue for the next person to take the stage, so I skipped off and left confusion behind me! As soon as I got off stage I realised, but by then it was too late Luckily the next person managed to ad lib, so the show went on

Yes, it was me and my chair as angels thus:



the chair was decorated with gold cardboard wings and silver tinsel, and I wore a white robe with gold tinsel so we did well, as that all shone nicely in the stage spotlight and I remembered my lines

No matter what they say you cannot vote to determine other people's personal beliefs, though I can't argue about the strange idea of democracy. At a time when the country is split pretty much 50/50 opinion is increasingly polarising rather than any attempt to compromise.

I've played the Fourth Sheep in my first year at Primary School and I've also played the letter 'M' in spelling out 'Merry Christmas', but I've never played the Piano – I didn't realise that the piano was a character in the Nativity. Which scene does it appear in?

(I've played 'The First Nowell' on a horizontal bell lyre during a Christmas Eve event in the High Street back when I was in the BB when I was about 14?)

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Well, I'm impressed that Sasha's chair played one of the 'chariots of Israel'.

Also by the Glockenspiel. The piano has to be somewhere in the sheep pasture - how else are the angels going to sing all that 'glory' stuff?

You'd like the one the kids do here: they have the cutest sheep costumes for the littlest kids...we never used to have sheep, only shepherds...

Call me a fool, but I always assumed that the sang all the 'glory' stuff a cappella. They could have called themselves the 'Really Flying Pickets', particularly if all the were inside a picket-fenced enclosure.
Although I thought that those shepherds and a more informal, free-range-on-the-hillside approach to sheep farming and didn't just plant the sheep and water them every day until they were ready to dig up as you'd expect…?
Perhaps the piano belonged to a member of the Little Drummer Boy's family…?

When I played a sheep I had a huge papier-mache mask completely covered in cotton wool to wear which wasn't very practical – I couldn't see or hear anything and so didn't notice when all the shepherds and other sheep left the waiting area for their moment on stage. None of the shepherds told me it was time to go, so I don't think they had the aptitude or work ethic to qualify to become real, shepherds.

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I think I was conditioned by Handel to expect at least some trumpets...

The local costumes are made out of old flokatis, I think...

So Sasha, is my Nativity comic book adaptation living up to expectations?

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Yes indeed - your trailer certainly set the scene

The genealogy bit was educational and entertaining, and the depiction of Mary and Joseph's courtship is very thought-provoking... Some of the humour is strongly Monty-Pythonesque indeed. However, my vote for most deliciously hilarious scene goes to the mermaid and the strategically placed mage-arm that is demure and naughty at the same time

I provoked a thought?!
What thought did I provoke, eh?

I must admit I do enjoy a contradiction, so the genealogy definitely had to be included. And I've also decided to include all the unloved bits of the story that are usually left out, such as the narratively inconvenient bit about Mary travelling 100 miles south to visit her cousin, then travelling 100 miles north just when she's supposed to get married - and then travelling 100 miles south again to give birth in Bethlehem and especially all the songs people sing in which they say, 'God said something to Abraham thousands of years ago, and that's been done now' a lot.

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"What thought did I provoke, eh?" - it was about "all the unloved bits of the story that are usually left out". I didn't know about Joseph's concern to protect Mary from 'public disgrace', and I'm impressed by how your depiction also includes references to modern concerns.

"I must admit I do enjoy a contradiction, so the genealogy definitely had to be included."

Congratulations on your camel-drawing skills

I'm also very impressed by your pregnant woman and mother and baby drawing skills - I like how your cartoons capture the essence of how I imagine them to look, and the body language is exquisite

I've had a surprising amount of practice in drawing pregnant women with this Christmas story, which I've got as far as drawing page 56 and Mary's got as far as being three month's pregnant. I'm very doubtful of being able to finish this before Christmas, and will have to see if I can keep the story under 100 pages or I'll run out of notepad. The good news is that now that John's been born there's not a lot happening before the start of the donkey journey so I'll be able to go for a 'Five months later' caption.

Would be interested in a 100-page Nativity comic? You could run two pages a week and be done in a year.

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