h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've not had a hooded coat for a good couple of years. This is because I usually travel by cycling where you can't wear thick coats as they make you sweat more, and anything that reduces your senses, such as a hood over your ears, is not a good thing. So I've got used to getting soaked through on the way to places and carrying and clothes so I can dry off and get changed.

I recently had to buy a hooded coat as, apart from my yellow hi-viz cycling jacket, all my coats seem to have disintegrated and I planned to be outside looking at buses in a weekend where the forecast didn't look good. I wanted one that is lightweight, waterproof with three zippable external pockets and at least one, preferably zippable, internal pocket, as well as having a hood that can fold into the collar and reflective elements. Oh, and I didn't want to spend more than 10 minutes in the shop looking for it, 'cos I hate clothes shops.
So first I went to Debenhams as I bought a coat from there back roughly around 1999 and it lasted about 6-7 years, which isn't too bad. I thought I'd get another identical one, but they've moved everything round and I couldn't find any. (No wonder they've announced a series of store closures: http://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/sep/11/debenhams-store-closures-insolvency-cva - if they hadn't changed and moved things round since 1999 they would have made a sale)
Other places I tried had coats at over £100! But to cut a long story short I managed to find a jacket that met all the requirements for £29:99.

With the exception of food, it is standard that when you buy something, it will last the rest of your life. So when buying a you know that as long as you don't chuck it in the bin or set fire to it, you will have that book for the rest of your life. Same with most household objects such as a spoon , table, paperclip – you buy it and it stays bought, and as long as you're not silly you have that item forever. What I resent when buying clothes is that clothes do not meet this basic requirement. You can't just buy a pair of trousers or shoes and keep them forever as they always disintegrate within 18 months. So I did resent buying a coat knowing that in five to ten years I'll have to buy another one and that this purchase hasn't solved all my coat-owning problems for the rest of my life. A coat hanger is for life, a coat isn't.

You might notice that I didn't mention the coat's colour or appearance on the list. That's because the coat's appearance doesn't really matter too much as the coat will only ever be in one of two possible states. Most of the time I won't be wearing it. When I'm not wearing it the coat's appearance doesn't matter, as I'm not wearing it. On the occasions when I am wearing the coat, it doesn't matter whether I am looking north, east, south or west – wherever I'm looking, I'll be looking in the complete opposite direction to where the coat is, away from the coat. So under those circumstances the coat's appearance is irrelevant too.

Yesterday my wife went out with some friends, but what did she do? She went out wearing my new coat! She didn't deny that she's been secretly wearing it, and she said it was much newer and warmer than hers and made her feel like she was wrapped in a blanket. So have I finally discovered the reason why my clothes never seem to last very long…?

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Oh dear! What you are experiencing is the effect of the capitalist machine in action. It goes like this: companies want to make profits to please their shareholders. So they make a lot of clothes at the lowest cost and sell them at high prices. They also need to keep advertising to keep the customers buying. The result is a lot of unnecessary waste and some very short-lived clothes. But before you kick the shareholders, ask yourself if you've got a pension fund and, if so, where the money comes from. You've guessed it - the sort of companies that flood the market with short-lived clothes.

"So have I finally discovered the reason why my clothes never seem to last very long…?"

Could be... In my case it is definitely to do with the Gorilla Theory of Disability http://batsgirl.blogspot.com/2008/04/gorilla-in-your-house.html - my gorilla wears my clothes too so they wear out twice as fast.

I'd be OK paying more for good quality stuff, but it isn't always easy to find - eg t-shirts I can get two for £8 these days but they are correspondingly cheap quality and wear out in 18 months, whereas one I bought for £8 a few years ago is still going strong... I also managed to replace some trousers with the same ones as I previously bought (at the same price as they were 18 months ago) but a centimetre has been shaved off from everywhere so even the pockets are smaller!

Debenhams is a case in point indeed - I used to be a shareholder but they were taken over a few years ago and then they stopped doing clothes in my size (after having reduced the quality first while keeping the price the same...)

It would be fascinating if clothes shopping weren't so annoying, as you say...

Thank you for the Gorilla Link - it's a wonderful piece and I will share it in the interests of understanding disability.

Apparently my wife has been wearing my coat 'cos hers is wearing out…

But yes, a fascinating link. So this week I have learnt that disability is like a gorilla and sexual consent is the same as drinking : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZwvrxVavnQ

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