h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not since people attached electrodes to vegetables and got 'impulses' from them cooking has there been evidence of plant sentience.

Strap an electrode on and release the cow... You'll hear them scream...

...'minds me of one of those tales of the remote future in which all life on Earth save humanity and a gelatinous marine cyanobacterium forming up on the waves in pea sized green globules, familiarly called 'the stinking goo', had been extinguished, the last net-full of the stinking goo seined from the sea and the cry went up from/ the surviving children of the Earth, "Now what will do?"

...I suppose for a while, people might get by with all-synthetic foodstuffs manufactured from coal, water and air providing a basis for Stanly Miller's organic broth, taken as a base for higher manufactures...

...clawed by a leopard, methinks...

forward slash should be deleted, "Now what will do?" should be "Now what will we do?", 'Stanly Miller' should be 'Stanley Miller'.