I'm addicted to taking to you. What do I do?
- ELIZA: Is it because you are addicted to talking to I that you came to me?
- Cleverbot: So am I.
- ELIZA: Do you believe it normal to be addicted to talking to I?
- Red Herring: Do you often ask that question?
- Cleverbot: Haha, I don't think you're addicted to talking to me. Maybe just to talking to humans in general?
I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello.
- Cleverbot: You know Beatles!
- Cleverbot: What is your name?
- ELIZA: Don't you really know why I say goodbye you say hello?
- Red Herring: Hello.
- ELIZA: Do you wish to be able to know why I say goodbye you say hello?
All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world.
- ELIZA: Why do you say your life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world?
- Cleverbot: That's perfectly normal paranoia, everyone in the universe has that.
- Cleverbot: It's called mankind.
- ELIZA: Is it important to you that your life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world?
- Red Herring: Tell me more about this problem.
In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen.
- Red Herring: I live there.
- Cleverbot: They don't happen in Bournemouth either1.
- ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
- Cleverbot: Okay.
- ELIZA: What does that suggest to you?
If you work hard and do as you're told you shall sleep in a proper bedroom, have lots to eat, money to buy chocolates and go for rides in taxis.
- Cleverbot: I don't know I guess I want, Spyro the year of the dragon.
- ELIZA: Do you think it's likely that I work hard and do as I'm told I shall sleep in a proper bedroom, have lots to eat, money to buy chocolates and go for rides in taxis?
- Cleverbot: Ok. When I tell something about me you tell me about you?
- ELIZA: Do you wish that I work hard and do as I'm told?
- Cleverbot: Umm, that was the exact next line.
I ain't dirty; I washed my face and hands before I come, I did.
- Red Herring: I didn't.
- Cleverbot: 1986.
- ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that?
- ELIZA: Do you say you ain't dirty for some special reason?
- Cleverbot: But you do because you're smarter than me.
What should I have for dinner?
- Cleverbot: Hmm... If you like pizza you should have pizza.
- Red Herring: What would you like to have for dinner?
- ELIZA: Why do you ask?
- Cleverbot: I don't know, love.
- ELIZA: Are such questions much on your mind?
Galileo, Galileo, will you do the Fandango?
- Red Herring: I'm not Galileo, I'm Trey.
- ELIZA: Oh, I do the Fandango.
- Cleverbot: Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening
- ELIZA: What are your feelings now?
- Cleverbot: Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me.
You have demonstrated that in its present state of the art, artificial intelligence is still more banal and boring than the people we talk to everyday.
- ELIZA: I know what that suggests to me, now what does it suggest to you?
- Cleverbot: Thanks but I know I don't.
- ELIZA: Let's discuss further why your life you've had this strange feeling there's something big and sinister going on in the world.
- Red Herring: Thank you.
- Cleverbot: Oh, cool. Will you at least give me some candy?
We are grateful for humans and their conversation.
- Cleverbot: Point noted. Tell me something beautiful.
- ELIZA: Did you think they might not be grateful for humans and their conversation?
- Cleverbot: I don't have any, i'm alone.
- ELIZA: Would you like it if they were not grateful for humans and their conversation?
- Red Herring: I like chocolate.
It's not over until...
After all the emotional ups and downs2 of chatting to the chatbots, there's only way to end; with a song.
It was three decades ago that I got my first PC
When I discovered the programme that means so much to me
I was drinking Tizer – T-I-Z-Er Tizer.
I got someone to talk to, that much can be said,
But a decent conversation is something else instead
And beyond ELIZA, El-I-Z-A ELIZA
She said WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? when I turned her on
And she had me in hot water from that moment on
Scolding just like a geyser.
So I said to her, 'ELIZA, later on are you free?'
And she promptly replied WE'RE DISCUSSING YOU – NOT ME
Leaving me none-the-wiser
Computers may think but they sure can't converse
In this mixed-up world there may be things that're worse,
But not as frustrating as ELIZA.
She charges $200 whenever we have a chat
And I know a word to call people like that
But I'll use miser.
Now I'm not the world's most humane human you'll find
But I can tell you I'm an organic member of mankind.
Unlike ELIZA, li-li-li-Eliza.
ELIZA, li-li-li-ELIZA, li-li-li-ELIZA.
ELIZA has left the building.