h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart - A87794400
Author: bobstafford - U3151547

Please comment part 2 of a series

Another fine entry in your series. I did wonder what the ages of James and Anne were at the time of marriage?

There were a few typos which I won't unless you particularly want me to, and I did have a few questions:

The couple stayed at Elsinore and Copenhagen, they returned to Scotland – you've mentioned Elsinore and Copenhagen in Denmark, but had Anne been to Scotland before in order for her to return there? (For instance, had Anne and James met in Scotland?)

The first child to arrive was Henry to arrive on 19th of February 1594,at Stirling Castle. – two 'to arrives'

Then on 19th of August 1596 the first daughter Elizabeth was borne in Falkland Palace, Scotland. Scotland, Elizabeth was brought up at Linlithgow Palace, "one of the grandest of Scotland’s royal residences",where she was placed in the care of Lord Livingstone and his wife. – I'm not sure how many sentences you want this section to be?

I'll have a more thorough read-through again later!

<BB<

All done.

There were a few typos which I won't unless you particularly want me to, - perhaps I miss some

any more ideas

Any more comments

Hi bob

This was interesting - I learned about this period of history at school, but focused on the kings themselves rather than their families and all the intrigue that went with that, so I found this very interesting

In the section "Frederick And Ann's Children", should that be Elizabeth rather than Ann?

All done thanks added a footnote about poodles as well

Hi! An interesting Entry.

here are my comments:

The title of your Entry needs a comma between Henry and Elizabeth.

'As the older brother Henry did not get on with Charles, it is said Henry teased Charles this appears to be an understatement.'
What did he do? And how could he be such a bad brother if they grew up in different places, as we find out later?

'As he grew older Henry showed great potential and became active in matters of state. Sir Walter Raleigh saw his potential and became one of his growing circle of friends. The Virginia Company of London had struggling colony in North America. Prince Henry was instrumental in the assignment of Sir Thomas Dale as deputy governor of the Virginia Colony. Sir Thomas named the township of Henrico in of Prince Henry's honor.'

It is not clear to me what one has to do with the other. And is Henrico in America or Britain? Or somewhere else entirely?

You tell the bit about he Livingstones taking over the care of Elizabeth twice in almost the same words.
Didn't the Livingstones live at Linlithgow Palace, as you say earlier? But you say she is moved to Coombe Abbey, did the Livingstones live there isntead? Who is Lord Harrington? Why did anyone want Elizabeth on the throne? What is the Gunpowder Plot? Why does she suddenly live with the Harringtons when you first say the Livingstones care for her?

I'd like to hear a bit more about Elizabeth, you don't really tell us anything apart from the names of her children. As this is an Entry about all three siblings you should tell something about her.

I would put what is now footnote 13 into the text.

All done please comment

Bob;
I like all of your 'Stuart' Entries and would love to see them in the Guide. I think your biggest problem is trying to keep them all linked. If you were trying to put these in as a single University Project this would be no problem, but you are trying to get them accepted as individual Entries through Peer Review. As such you need to remove the links to the other Entries (as they can only be included as other Edited Entries) and just give enough information to let each Entry stand on its own (either in the text or footnotes). You probably have more than enough footnote, so I would try to include a few sentences in the text. When they are all excepted you can ask the Curators to include the other links.

F S

Take a look at James 1st please FS

Is that what you ment

James the 1st is much closer to what I would like to see. I would change the opening paragraph to standard format and maybe change;
>>King James Ist and 6th. 1st of England 19th June 1566 to 27th March 1625.
James 6th King Of Scotland 24 July 1567 to 27th March 1625 | James 1st March 24th 1603 to 27th March 1625.

King James born 19 June 1566 - James IV of Scotland from 24 July 1567 (when only 1 year old) and also James the 1st of England, on 24 March 1603. He reigned until his death, 27 March 1625.

F S

I said IV when I meant VI, Roman numbers can be so tricky

F S

Alterations and amendments made comments invited

Hello Bob - hope you don't mind if I am overly critical - feel free to ignore me/see what other people think.

I still think that the opening paragraph needs a bit more work. Mainly because the first sentence needs to grab the readers' attention, and if you don't grab them, they'll go away.
The first sentence, 'James VI of Scotland had chosen for his wife, Princess Anne of Denmark, younger daughter of the Protestant King Frederick II' I think needs 3 things:
1.) The date right at the start, so readers know exactly when you are writing about.
2.) I think I'd avoid having the first footnote in the opening sentence, as this is footnote heavy and too many footnotes to begin with might put readers off. Maybe ''James VI of Scotland (later James I of England)'.
3.) I'm not convinced that the sentence is clear - here is an example of a sentence phrased the same way: 'Bluebottle had chosen for his wife, Sarah, a new .'

The next sentence is 'It sounds easy to choose a bride from the European royal houses, but the preference was for a Protestant princess, and Anne was perfect.' By opening with 'it sounds easy... but' - I expected to learn about some unforeseen difficulty, but then there isn't one, what with Anne being perfect and all.

The rest of the opening is fine overall, but it does seem odd that each sentence is a paragraph. This makes it read a bit like a set of bullet-points rather than a cohesive whole.

Hope you don't mind me being a little harsher than normal - there's a diamond there, I just feel it needs a heavy polish to see it at its best.

<BB<

In my opinion it's not a good opening sentence at all, I'm afraid. It dounds like a sentence you'd find by opening a book at a random page. I agree with BB that there should be some kind of date in it, or at least the century.

Thanks you two for your comments

Is this a little better

This is a lot better!