h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart - A87794400
Author: bobstafford - U3151547

For ideas and suggestions please

Bob, this looks good to me.

But why didn't you put it in PR?

just to give me an opportunity to hear other views

Have you any ideas

An introductory paragraph or two would be nice, in which you explain to the reader what you're going to be talking about.

Starting with the first child assumes the reader knows who these people are. I do, but I'll bet I'm in the minority here.

I always think a good rule of thumb is:

1. Introduce the subject - such as, we're talking about the Stuart kings of England and their offspring, or some such.
2. Tell people why it's interesting. Why do they want to know this?

Thanks for that

Is That any better and close to what you were thinking of

Well, sort of. Now it has an introduction. How about an interesting introduction?

J>>ames VI of Scotland had chosen Princess Anne of Denmark, younger daughter of the Protestant King Frederick II.<<

Chosen as what? I think you need to say, 'chosen as his bride', or 'chosen to marry'.

>>Anne and James settled to married life and started family life.<<

Too much 'ife'.Try 'Anne and James began to raise a family.'

Overall, though, it's kind of dull. How about spicing it up with a little foreshadowing?

'In 1590, when James VI of Scotland chose Anne of Denmark, younger daughter of the Protestant King Frederick II, as his bride, little did the young royal couple - or the world - know what impact their offspring would have, not only on the history of Scotland, but on Europe at large, beginning with neighbouring England.'

Something like that. Tell us why we want to know this. Otherwise we're likely to shrug as say, 'Who cares?'

I this nearer the mark it still needs work

Any more ideas

Hi Bob

I think it looks ready for Peer Review. You'd get the added benefit from a wider pool of reviewers there.

OK I will move it

Any more comments