h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 'Discworld Noir' - the Game - A87782683
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

A Flea Market Rescue.
Original Entry: Discworld NOIR - A897906
Author: [...] - U198644

This Version is co-written by:
Author 1: Geggs - U201647
Author 2: Bluebottle - U43530

An article about a great game.

<BB<

My daughters were great fans of this game, but I never played it.

There's a lot in this. Maybe too much. We don't need to know every single detail of what's on the cover, for example.

I haven't a chance to go through it in detail now, but a couple of things jumped out at me:

careening - this is an American usage which is wrong in British English (where it means cleaning the barnacles off the bottom of a ship). Change it to "careering".

Tony Robinson wasn't the voice of Rincewind on the other games - Monty Python's Eric Idle did this. So is it still the case that Robinson is a reference to Tony Robinson?

Watch out for the spelling of it's and its. This is always a problem and worth checking.

what is the relevance of falchion sword is it just the name

Thanks both for your input, careening is now corrected and Tony Robinson's role has been clarified.

The Tsortese Falchion, as well as sounding like the Maltese Falcon and being the instrument of Lewton's demise, is one of the major objects in the game. Locating it is one of the game's objectives and it plays an important part in the game's resolution. I don't think I can say more than that without revealing how to complete the game.

<BB<

Having read this all the way through, now, I don't think it is too long, although there are one or two places where it goes into too much detail.

Overall the structure of the entry is good except for the section on Ankh Morpork providing too much detail about map differences. These details could be provided later in the entry, although I think it would be better still to omit them.

I'd like to see something added about what computers the game runs on, whether it is still available to buy and so on.

I don't normally provide lists of spelling mistakes, as the sub-editor should be able to spot them, but I know that Bluebottle thrives on details, so here goes...

He chase ends abruptly -- something wrong here, should be "His chase" or "The chase".

The link on "author Sir Terry Pratchett" should be on only "Sir Terry Pratchett", or in my opinion on "Terry Pratchett".

The Great A'Tuin --> Great A'Tuin

There are lots of sentences which are just throwaway phrases without any verb. Here are a few:

"The oldest, largest and most depraved city on the Disc. " -- no verb
"Like the exchange between Lewton and the vampire pianist above paying tribute to the most famous line that never was."
"The owner of which, in reference to another film genre altogether, calls it 'a wretched hive of scum and villainy'."


The section on Ankh-Morpork, since it appears at the start of the entry, should be an introduction to Ankh-Morpork. It's not the right place to discuss tiny differences between two maps, particularly when you use terms such as Hubwards Turnwise which you don't explain.

Some spelling mistakes:

"wondering around in the sewers"
"large chucks"
"Gaspond"
"Squeeker"
"Detruitus"
"Octarin"
"principle"
"Stacy"


large chucks of that film found it's way into the game -->
large chunks of that film found their way into the game

than the one when Samael tinkles the ivories -->
than the one where Samael tinkles the ivories

"there to collect in the Luggage " -- no need to mention the Luggage, are this entry is not about the previous games.

It is not loosely based on one of Terry Pratchett's novels -->
It is not based on any of Terry Pratchett's novels

the events that lead to him lying there -- it's "led", not "lead"

The game is the strongest of the three Discworld games.-->
This is the strongest of the three Discworld games.

"with anything selectable easily findable" -- it's not immediately obvious what this means

The grammar needs to be sorted out in this:

There is a cast of 70 characters and... are an assortment of humans

You say the character of Rincewind is gone, and then in a footnote say that he is not in the game. You don't need to say that. Just say that he was the hero of the previous two games.

because of his habit of absent-mindedly scribbling pictures of fearsome weapons -- not exactly. It's because of his habit of absent-mindedly designing new fearsome weapons and scribbling them etc.

the goddess Errata, goddess of discord -->
Errata, goddess of discord

Other Discworld characters who do not actually appear in the game are mentioned. -->
Some other Discworld characters who do not actually appear in the game are mentioned.

He is also well known for playing Neil from The Young Ones, and he also appears in -- too many alsos.

enjoy yourself the start of a beautiful friendship -- something wrong with this. Perhaps leave out "yourself"? Or punctuate it into two connected sentences?

I think we could do without the footnote about Dibbler since he is only mentioned in passing.

Do I thrive on detail? Well, changes have been made as suggested.

<BB<

This is a bit . Because as co-author I can accept the critique, but it's BB that has the editing rights, so I can't do anything about it myself.

But, err, yeah. Good points there.


Geggs

And he got in before me. This could get strange.


Geggs

It gets even er when you have University projects in Peer Review. Even though you as the Researcher wrote the project and know the answers to a lot of the questions, by the time a Uni Project is in Peer Review only the sub-editor can make any changes, so you have to try to decide what the sub-editor needs your help in changing and what are just straight forward amendments that don't need your input.

<BB<

I myself disliked the game, but it's an excellent entry (and a brilliant pic!)

May I ask what you disliked about the game?
Was it something that you feel should be mentioned?

<BB<

I don't know the game, but I enjoyed the Entry

I was a bit confused about / bemused by the sentence, "Curiously she was unable to give Lewton much of a description; for instance, when he asks how tall Mundy is, she replies 'I don't picture him standing up…'." in the Plot section.

I read her response as a description and an innuendo at the same time , so I think the word "curiously" doesn't fit - is there a better example of her lack of description to make it a curious matter, or is her response all a comedic device, or is your sentence a comedic device?

My reading of the Entry also jarred slightly at the Cast section - too much description of Rob Brydon's other work, in my opinion (the first sentence is enough, and maybe include a link to further information about him).

Two other minor niggles
- there is an apostrophe after Red Dwarf in the Cast section
- Laredo Cronk is spelt in two different ways in the Characters section and the Cast section

Thanks for your comments – I've corrected the spelling of Laredo and deleted the stray apostrophe. I've also tweaked the Rob Brydon cast section. As Rob Brydon was one of Red Nose Day's hosts, I see no harm in emphasising his involvement provided it does not detract from the rest of the entry. But I agree that anything more than a couple of sentences at the very most would be too much.

The line 'I don't picture him standing up…'. is certainly innuendo , but it is still feel it is curious that her description of her supposed lover is fairly non-existent and goes along the lines of:
What does he look like
I can't really say
How tall is he?
I don't picture him standing up
Etc.

I'm considering re-phrasing it, what do other people think?

<BB<

Thanks Bluebottle - the Rob Brydon section reads much better to my eyes now.

Thanks for explaining the 'Curiously' paragraph - makes much more sense to me when I see two things that she said.

Glad you approve!

<BB<

Tweaked to mention that Rob Brydon was awarded an MBE over the weekend for his service to entertainment and Discworld Noir.

<BB<

Rob Brydon was awarded an MBE in the same Honours List as Tony Robinson, who'd voiced Rincewind in the first two Discworld games, was awarded the CBE. Coincidence....?

<BB<

Hi BB

I think this is a good summary of the game.


Once again my remarks are written in the order in which they come up in the Entry:


I don't think you have to mention all of Pratchett's books in footnote 1. People can go and read the Entry about him.

'... the Tsortese sword that ends up in Lewton's chest ... '
Please explain either what Tsort is.

'Although Casablanca is not strictly film noir, large chunks of that film found their way into the game; the exchange between Lewton and the vampire pianist pays tribute to the most famous line that never was.'
Maybe rather say 'an exchange' instead of 'the' exchange. Using 'the' always seems to imply that the reader knows exactly what you are talking about, but in this case you never mentioned it before.

Who is Samael?

'Commander Vimes' voice and attitude does not quite match how he is depicted in the novels.'
When Mala and I played the game together a few years ago we thought maybe that's what Vimes appears to be when you are at the other side. In the discworld novels we mostly 'hear' *his* side of things.

'...being from the Agatean Empire'
You should explain this to non-fans.

'... is best known for being in Marion and Geoff, Gavin and Stacey...'
Who are they?
I also don't know 'The Young Ones'. Is it a TV series?