h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Ray Harryhausen Sinbad Films - Project Page - A87778390
Author: Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor - U128652

A87778408 - The Ray Harryhausen Sinbad Films
A87778417 - 'The 7th Voyage of Sinbad' - The Film
A87778426 - 'The Golden Voyage of Sinbad' - The Film
A87778435 - 'Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger' - The Film

Author: Bluebottle

Please provide the A-number of your review to assist the sub-editor, thank you

Author is Bluebottle, sub-editor Recumbentman assisted by Galaxy Babe

h2g2 Editors

<BB<

A87778417 - The 7th Voyage of Sinbad

Bluebottle:

You use the word "armature" without explaining what it is. For me, an armature is part of an electric motor. Could you please provide a definition that can be used as a footnote the first time the word is used.

Recumbentman:

originally conceived as being purpose of the quest -->
originally conceived as being the purpose of the quest

though is missing a leg -->
though it is missing a leg

A baby and fully-grown adult is seen -->
A baby and a fully-grown adult are seen

seven strong skeleton horde -->
seven-strong skeleton horde

Quoted text should be in italics or between quotes, but not both. Please remove the quote signs from around both block quotes.

I suggest you copy the list of links from the start of the entry to the end, rather than using Bluebottle's links in a box.

A87778408 - The Ray Harryhausen Sinbad Films

I'm addressing these comments to both Bluebottle and Recumbentman as though you were a single person. You can sort it out between you.

I think the layout would work better if you finished the sections relating to the three films, which is what the project is about, before talking about the films that were never made. The "Unmade" section could be moved to the end of the entry.

In the section titled Ray Harryhausen, the man's name is given in full as Ray Harryhausen four times, and only once is it shortened to just Harryhausen. I suggest this makes it uncomfortable to read - his name should be shortened to Harryhausen except for the first time, and in the last sentence the name should be replaced by "his".

In general there is far too much repetition of Harryhausen's name - for example in the section entitled Sinbad, he starts the first and second sentence. It should be possible to change many of these to "he" or "him".

Minor points:

The Thief of Baghdad -->
The Thief of Bagdad

These influences, stop-motion animation and the magic of the Arabian Nights stories, would perfectly combine --remove comma after 'stories'

I think you should put a link on 'Olympia' to A87725163 The Ancient Olympic Games, as these were held in Olympia to honour Zeus.

brought to life—all the work -- it's house style thate we use ndashes and put spaces around them for this sort of use.

A87778426 - 'The Golden Voyage of Sinbad' - The Film

Once again, the name 'Ray Harryhausen' appears too often for comfort.

Again, there shouldn't be quote marks around quotations that are in italics.

Again, I recommend duplicating the link list from the top at the bottom, rather than using the boxed list of links.

Minor points:

no-where --> nowhere

You have an introductory sentence that ends with "These included:" but the first bullet item starts with "It was originally proposed that" which doesn't really match. Remove the phrase "These included".

instead of being disfigured by an explosion, instead had been turned into an ape's. -- too many insteads. Reword it.

Moslem vessels --> Muslim vessels -- that's the normal spelling these days. But I'm not sure it is the right adjective anyway. Perhaps "Arabian"?

"A non-existent continent theory linking India, Madagascar and Australia" -- this phrasing doesn't really work. I suggest:

"A theoretical land linking India, Madagascar and Australia"

An armature is a supporting skeletal framework built inside models used in stop-motion animation. They provide stability and through the uses of hinges and joins, enable the models to be held in precise positions for long periods of time.

<BB<

A87778435 - 'Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger' - The Film

Again, there shouldn't be quote marks around quotations that are in italics.

Again, I recommend duplicating the link list from the top at the bottom, rather than using the boxed list of links.


permission marry Princess Farah -->
permission to marry Princess Farah

the legendary knowledgeable hermit Melanthius -- this sounds rather peculiar. I think you could replace 'knowledgeable' with 'wise'.

However both first Farah and later Melanthius -- the combination of 'both' and 'first' doesn't work. You could leave out 'first'.

"Jane Seymour, famous for being Solitaire in Live and Let Die as well as Apollo's wife in Battlestar Galactica." -- this is a sentence fragment - it has a subject but no verb or object.

and so Margaret was brought in to re-record all her lines -->
and so Margaret was brought back to re-record all her lines

this would not be a sequel, but instead be a separate, stand-alone Sinbad film -->
this would not be a sequel, but instead would be a separate, stand-alone Sinbad film

"Similarly, when filming in Petra, which appears as Melanthius' home, to avoid flying the cast to Jordan to save money, the filming was done using long shots and extras dressed as the actors, with shots showing the actors achieved in the studio with the actors in front of background plates"

-- this whole sentence is rather long-drawn-out and convoluted. It should be split up into two or more sentences. In particlur, change it so that it doesn't seem to say that flying to Jordan would have saved money.

These included:

o Zenobia was to have sinister...

Again this would flow better if you left out "These included".

Fight between Trog and a huge snake -->
A fight between Trog and a huge snake

stepped like the early Egyptian pyramids -- in fact only one Egyptian pyramid was stepped - it is known as the Step Pyramid. You could gloss over this by saying stepped like an early Egyptian pyramid

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger, the last Harryhausen Sinbad film, and the last of the ten films that Charles Schneer and Harryhausen made for Columbia Pictures. -->
Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger is the last Harryhausen Sinbad film, and the last of the ten films that Charles Schneer and Harryhausen made for Columbia Pictures.

the outstanding special effects fight sequence that are present -- there's a singular/plural mismatch here.

the Cyclops of Figurehead -->
the Cyclops or Figurehead

hinges and joins -- should that be "hinges and joints" ?

Yes - joints

<BB<

If Recumbentman is the sub-editor, he should be listed as the Editor on the entries, so that he can make changes. Or has he done his work and is now handing over to Galaxy Babe?

I must admit I've been a little confused with what has happened with this one lately.

I believe that Recumbentmen wishes to finish subbing this project (but please correct me if I am wrong).

<BB<

Recumbentman has resigned his post as sub-editor, so I have taken over. I will be making the changes as they are requested by Bluebottle, as time allows, I will post again when I have updated.

GB

post #9 done except for:

"Jane Seymour, famous for being Solitaire in Live and Let Die as well as Apollo's wife in Battlestar Galactica." -- this is a sentence fragment - it has a subject but no verb or object.

the outstanding special effects fight sequence that are present -- there's a singular/plural mismatch here.

"Similarly, when filming in Petra, which appears as Melanthius' home, to avoid flying the cast to Jordan to save money, the filming was done using long shots and extras dressed as the actors, with shots showing the actors achieved in the studio with the actors in front of background plates"

-- this whole sentence is rather long-drawn-out and convoluted. It should be split up into two or more sentences. In particlur, change it so that it doesn't seem to say that flying to Jordan would have saved money.

GB

post #10, "hinges and joins -- should that be "hinges and joints" ?" I am unable to find this using ctrl+f in all the entries, can you specify where it occurs, please?

"Hinges and joins" isn't in the entry yet. It was Bluebottle's proposed footnote given in Posting 8, but he unfortunately had a spelling error in it.

post #7 done except for:

Once again, the name 'Ray Harryhausen' appears too often for comfort.

Again, I recommend duplicating the link list from the top at the bottom, rather than using the boxed list of links.

GB

Re Post 15:

Jane Seymour, famous for being Solitaire in Live and Let Die as well as Apollo's wife in Battlestar Galactica, plays Princess Farah.

outstanding special effects fight sequenceS – sorry, typo there.

The sequence filmed in Petra, which appears in the film as Melanthius' home, is another example of a cost-cutting exercise. To avoid the expense of flying the entire cast to Jordan to film there, the filming used long shots and local extras, not the actors themselves. The shots that appear to show the actors were made by filming the actors in a studio stood in front of background plates.

<BB<

BB is right, I do want to finish this before retiring as a sub-ed. I did take it on, and for better or worse I would like to see it through.