h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thank you very much for writing this piece. This is still a vitally important topic to bring to people's awareness. The thing is that people still have no idea about it. Here in South Africa it has been rampant ... many different kinds of abuse. The problem was that many people did not have an idea that it was wrong. It was just how things were done: 'naughty' children were given beatings ... this is still the way many people think things should be done, and it is still difficult to tell them that deliberately hurting a child (sometimes for very trivial reasons) is in fact abusive ... and as for sexual abuse, that happened a lot and because it was 'shameful' children often never told anyone about it. There was for example a teacher at a school who abused pretty much *every single boy* that passed his way ... and with how schools work over here ... this teacher would have had many classes of many boys of many ages every day, and this happened and he was never prosecuted. Are we talking of hundreds or of thousands of boys, over the course of this teacher's entire career?

I know this story because I know a person who was in this teacher's class. This person told me, and others ... and I remember one of the others was a church elder who merely laughed at him when he told the story.

What about psychological abuse? I think this is the hardest to get people to understand at all. It is a contentious issue: what exactly is a healthy mind? What constitutes abuse? I would say: abuse is to bend and break the mind of another for any reason at all. Only honest fortright dealing with others, where you are not manipulating them, deceiving them, is not psychological abuse. But of course the 'real' abuse comes from relationships where the one side is massively more powerful than another. A child and a parent could be an example: a parent in his or her wisdom knows so much more, that they can manipulate a child horrendously, twisting and molding their minds without the child even realising it. Any kind of situation except where the parent is concerned for the complete and utter wellbeing of the child, and for the development of that child's full mental and psychological potential, for that child being able to see and judge things for him or herself, is abuse. When in such a situation where you have so much power for good or for evil over another, you choose anything other than the full good, you are being abusive.

To be taken psychological advantage of, when you are young, small and innocent, by those you trust and see as benevolent ... is that any less bad than sexual abuse?

The first book I read on the subject suggested that any form of child abuse amounted to psychological abuse as the most damaging attack on a child is for a person they trust to hurt them in any way, thus undermining their ability to trust and doing, as I can testify, untold pyschological damage.

Just dropping by again, to say I appreciate your articles, Ben.

This is an excellent article which needed to be written, and the fact that it is by someone with personal or indirect experience makes it all the more telling.

I keep hearing people saying 'he is dead, so what, forget it, it is in the past'. That makes me so angry.

We have to know what is going on, and we have to tell our children that if someone does something to them which doesn't feel right, they should tell someone, and keep telling till someone listens.

We should also tell them that it doesn't matter a jot how important or famous they are, they shouldn't be doing these things, and a child must not keep it a secret. They should be told that they are almost certainly not to be the only ones suffering, but unless they speak out they will never know.

I am sure intelligent, sympathetic questioning would soon show if someone was being vindictive, as sometimes happens, and then there should be consequences proportionate to the untruth.

This has been happening for centuries, both within families and the wider community, but with the communication opportunities we have now, we should stand firm and root out abuse of any kind however outwardly honest and caring a person might seem, and certainly regardless of their standing in the community.

For me, no amount of charity work, fundraising or other good works can eliminate such vile behaviour.

I have a small granddaughter and it is terrifying to think how vulnerable she is. We have to teach children in some way that enables them to understand but not be frightened of every person they meet.

Thanks for putting my thoughts in to words.

Websailor

And thanks for sharing your thoughts, Webbie.

I appreciate it when people like you and Benjamin point out how much we need to know these things. A lot of people are scornful when you bring up things that went wrong in the past. They say, 'Oh, can't you be nice for once, and let us have our rosy memories?'

No.

Because way too many people didn't learn anything. We have to teach the kids what went wrong, and how to stop bad things from happening again.

This goes for child abuse, and bad attitudes about relationships, and homophobia, sure. But it also goes for racism, and warmongering, and unfair business practices, and...just keep going.

Sadly we don't seem to learn anything from history, and certainly our politicians don't

Websailor

All abuse leaves psychological scars ... the person I spoke of, was sexually abused and also psychologically abused pretty much throughout his life. As a result he had a concept of himself as being unimportant and therefore the sexual abuse he experienced was also seen as something unimportant. And when once he *tried* telling someone 'important' about it and got laughed at ...???

Thanks for all the feedback guys it's nice to know what people think, especially as this entry, in it's original form, woke up so many people at the top of H2g2. For that, I would like to thank Dhimitri, Pastey, Lazanbaby and Robbie for all reading it very quickly and suggesting the necessary adjustments to allow the article to make it in to this week's

Silence and Secrecy is what allows abuse to flourish, like a fungus in the dark, sending its tentacles far and wide unhindered by the light. That is why it must not remain hidden, even if a few innocent people get tainted by association.

Websailor

It took me three pargraphs to say that!

Did you see this thread?

F5532036?thread=8297106&post=110669465#p110669465

Websailor