h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A28494769

This is a story I wrote a few years back, when the Beta rpg was going hot and heavy every night. It takes place in that universe, with apologies to Conrad.

I cry everytime I read this story. The ache of so many squandered opportunities to be a better being, because of my uncaring attitude makes this sort of crap happen. Certain parties are really patient and kind beyond comprehension to have put up with humans for so long.

Apologies for not being able to find the time to look at this properly before now! Anyway...

Hummm... interesting tone and structure, and the voice initially is engagingly different.

That said, touches of what I always call overwriting - loading up the text with adverbs and adjectives that it doesn't strictly need. and it may be you will fly into a rage when I suggest this, but I don't think the section of dialect speech ('it were abaht the killin'. Mebbe') is a friend to the story - to be honest what it reminded me of most was Lovecraft at his most unwieldy. It just kicked me out of the story when it was reaching its emotional core.

But the story also does a good job of being resonant without too much crushing obviousness, something I suspect I usually struggle with...

That's a good thought about the dialect.

The overwriting was intentional at the time - viz, intending to experiment with Conrad (who is worse than this, I swear). I haven't taken a look at this one in a long time, and I suspect you're right.

When I get caught up elsewhere, I'll take a chainsaw to it, if you think it's worth trying to rescue.

I wasn't conscious of the Conrad pastiche - I suppose it's always a danger when you're doing that kind of stylistic business, that if the reader doesn't know where you're coming from the writing will just seem weird.

But I would certainly say there's enough good stuff in this story to make it worth a revisit and a polish.

I'll limit the Conrad stuff to the opening (it's a parody of the beginning of 'Heart of Darkness') and try to tone the whole thing down.

Thanks for the advice.