A Conversation for Have I Got News For You-The TV Series.
today's classic humour
Thin Lizzy Posted May 16, 2003
Nope, but I'm on Study Leave now. I just came on here to clear my head because I'm having trouble concentrating.
today's classic humour
DJR Posted May 16, 2003
Proper Definitions
Cigarette A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Love affairs Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Marriage It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce Future tense of marriage
Lecture An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
Dictionary A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile A curve that can set a lot of things straight
Office A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc... A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father A banker provided by nature.
Criminal A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Computer Engineer One who gets paid for reading such mails...
today's classic humour
Fraeya Posted May 19, 2003
lol
u know those instruction labels?
i found another one that could be added to them this weekend on a yogurt
'do not refrigerate. Best served chilled.'
hmmmmmmmmmm
today's classic humour
Fraeya Posted May 22, 2003
I CANT SPELL EITHER!!!!!!!!
lol what do they teach us at school
ok the answer is not a lot
the one thing i learnt today was its easier to think stories than to write them. cos when you think you dont need to do all the punctuation.
/?.>,<#~'@;:][{=+-_)(*&^%$£"!¬`\|
THERE'S TOO MUCH OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
today's classic humour
Thin Lizzy Posted May 23, 2003
I'll say! I can think stories, no problem-in my head they sound brilliant, but when I have to write them down... Oh, dear.
If you want to see what I mean, take a look at my latest attempt: It's in my space at the moment: "Elisius".
politically....
DJR Posted May 23, 2003
i can't help noticing that Fraeya missed out our future currency (ooh - contraversial!) the € symbol...
ironic that...
politically....
DJR Posted May 23, 2003
(btw that thing that came out as a blah is meant to be the Euro symbol... it came out when i typed it but h2g2 obvioulsy hasn't added it to its known charcters....
politically....
Fraeya Posted May 23, 2003
and niether has my keyboard
oh wait i think theres something on the 4 key that looks like it no idea how to use it though
politically....
Thin Lizzy Posted May 25, 2003
Press the 4 key while holding down the shift button (The arrow logo between the "Caps lock" key and "ctrl"
politically....
Fraeya Posted May 26, 2003
no its like a 3rd one on the same key and im not sure if it is actually a euro cos i dont know what it looks like
politically....
Thin Lizzy Posted May 26, 2003
Looks like an E with two lines going through it.
I think...
euros
DJR Posted May 26, 2003
yeh fraeya is rite in saying its a C with a = thru it, but lizzy is rite coz its menna be an E, just with 2 lines thru the middle in stead of 1.
on MS Word and most things excpet h2g2, you press Alt Gr then '4' and it'll print the Euro symbol.
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today's classic humour
- 81: Fraeya (May 16, 2003)
- 82: Thin Lizzy (May 16, 2003)
- 83: DJR (May 16, 2003)
- 84: Thin Lizzy (May 17, 2003)
- 85: Fraeya (May 19, 2003)
- 86: Thin Lizzy (May 20, 2003)
- 87: Fraeya (May 22, 2003)
- 88: Thin Lizzy (May 22, 2003)
- 89: Fraeya (May 22, 2003)
- 90: Thin Lizzy (May 23, 2003)
- 91: DJR (May 23, 2003)
- 92: DJR (May 23, 2003)
- 93: Fraeya (May 23, 2003)
- 94: Thin Lizzy (May 25, 2003)
- 95: Fraeya (May 26, 2003)
- 96: Thin Lizzy (May 26, 2003)
- 97: Fraeya (May 26, 2003)
- 98: DJR (May 26, 2003)
- 99: Fraeya (May 26, 2003)
- 100: Thin Lizzy (May 27, 2003)
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