h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmph. I'll have you know I have ALL my own hair, and then some...

Sssh...don't tell them about the scalps in the basement...

I know...but most of it is on your shoulders and ear'oles ....so I think that a transplant is needed...

*wanders in out of sheer boredom*

*sees Legion lying there on the slab*

*a sadistic grin imposes itself on her face, and she walks over to him*

*a pale pink background appears behind her, complete with softly falling rose petals and shining multicoloured prismatic bubbles. The song "Radical Dreamers" from Chrono Cross plays quietly.* Hello Leigion! Feeling under the weather, are we? <---grin and text overlayed with aforementioned charming background animation*

*Screws eyes shut, clamps hands over ears and starts singing very loudly*

John Brown's body lies a-moulderin' in the grave...you won't get me, you vicious witch...while weep the bondsmen...

*The song goes on ad nauseum*

*Kepping up the background animation and general charm, because patience ...is a virtue.*

...whom he gave his life to save...but tho' the grass grows green o'er his grave... give it up, evil Jedi, I can keep this up all day...his sooooul is march-ing ooon....GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!...

*keeping it up, as was suggested by the brilliant Mr. Legion*

Oh, I will.

*takes out a small pink nail file and begins filing her fingernails*

...he's gone to be a soldier in the army of the Lord...okay, Plan B. Get her, boys!...gone to be a soldier...

*A troupe of teeny demons climb out of Legion's ear and leer at JJ's ankles. Then they swarm out into the hospital and begin to eat the background - first the swirly pink bits, then the psychedelic flowery bits...the music falters and stops. One of the demons burps gently*

...soul is march-ing...oh, nice work boys.

*Sits up, cracks neck*

You were saying?

*JJ looks up, and Thrasymachus slowly unfolds himself from where he had been situated on her shoulder. He blinks nonchalantly at the demons, and then torches him with his incandescent blue flame.*



I wasn't saying anything. So you're sick? what have you done to yourself this time?

Actually I was checking myself in to see if they could do anything about those nasty epileptic fits you seemed to be inducing in me. But that problem seems to have taken care of itself. Lovely

But since this is a hospital, and you clearly need your head examined - see War thread - I will gladly help...

*Changes behind a screen - Dr Freudrich Legion emerges, with a little white goatee and a clipboard*

Zo ChayChay. Please lie down unt relax. All iz komfortable? Gut. Now...tell me about your dreams...

Lets examine JJ

Ve vill delve into ze deepest, darkest recesses off her psyche...unt zen charge her for it

*Strokes goatee*

sounds good! [shouldnt you be unconscious?]

Legion, I have two years of college psychology classes under my belt, so know now that I can call you if you're bluffing. And please, I know where you're going with this Frued impression, so let's stay away from the phalice complexes, okay? I mean, yes I know that /you/ obviously have one, but really now. <ooc&gt

Examine my mind, that's great and fine and dandy, but if either of you touch me there shall be very very disturbing repercussions. (Yes, I have unresolved anger issues, and I know it, so shut up Freudrich.)

But of my dreams. They usually involve... stuff. *trying to remember one of her more recent dreams* Last night I dreamt of going to The Two Towers premiere in NYC with my sister and Billy Boyd and Dom Monaghan. That was pretty cool. Can ya tell me anything about that?

She's slapping you down Legion!

Legion who should be unconscious...as is now JJ

You bet your bum I am...!

Phallus complexes? Never even crossed my mind!

I freely admit that my knowledge of psychology is only enough to stroke my goatee and make small understanding noises. Also, to repeat the patients last couple of words in the form of a question, eg. Patient: "I often have dreams about actors who play hobbits." Doctor: "Actors who play hobbits?" etc. ad nauseum.

Aaanyvay. I vould luff to hear more, but razzer I am chust goink to prescribe you a potent cocktail off Prozac, Valium and viskey. Enchoy!

*Hands over a suspiciously bubbling shot glass*

*Gives FWT a slap*

Wake up, you had some of the nasty gas,

The patent seems to be having some sevire mental truama and his eyes have gone all pink. were's the nurse when you need her?

-- DoctorMO --

Are you talking about me, or Sigmund here...? *indicates Legion*

Legion doll, I am most certainly not going to drink that. Thank you though. I'm certaing that any problems that I have with my daemon can be fixed quite nicely with a cup of and a long talk. Thank you though.

But if ze tea unt nattering doesn't vork, you kome back to me, unt...

*Holds up two sparking wires*

...I haf some new ideas about electro-shock serapy...

*Wrenches generator box from the floor, bungs it out the window, jumps out and runs off*