The Quest

1 Conversation

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a work of fiction. (I think you've probably read the disclaimer enough times by now, so I'm leaving it out. If you miss it, you can find it at the top of this episode.)


Red Dog's eyes burned as he cleaned the .357 and loaded all six chambers. He tucked the gun into his underarm holster, then looked at the picture of Mrs Red on his desk. He closed his eyes, then opened them and left the office.

'Bubblish? What the zark is Bubblish?!'
Marv exclaimed. He had located a web page that contained the same passage that Affy had found on the entryway, and the page stated the language was called Bubblish.

'Is there a translator?'
Affy sounded excited.

Saturn Girl paced the street outside Red Dog's office angrily. He had treated her like dirt, and what had she done to stand up for herself? Nothing! Why was it that she acted like a Bombshell Goddess inside her dungeon, and a wet noodle everywhere else?! This was it, the last straw.

She turned around in her pacing to see Red Dog exit the building. Her eyes narrowed as her anger burned within, and she abruptly turned on her heel and stalked off in the opposite direction.

'I'll show him.'

'This is not hideous!'
The worker was offended.

'Hibiscus is a beautiful flower, and I wear it with pride!'

sea rubbed her temples and took a deep breath.

'I'm sorry, the contract you signed specifically reads: Article Four, Paragraph Twelve, Subparagraph Two, Fine Print Footnote Forty-Two: All characters not given a name must wear a red shirt. Do you understand why this... this hibiscus shirt is a problem?'

The man crossed his arms.

'No. I do not see why I cannot wear my red hibiscus shirt to work.'

There was a pause while sea got control of herself, then continued in a voice that would have alerted anyone who knew her to danger.

'If you wear a distinctive shirt, you become a distinctive character. If you become a distinctive character, I have to give you a name. Do you understand?'

The worker sulked. sea rolled her eyes, then stood and moved around the desk. She took the man by the collar and dragged him to the door of her office.

'You, sir, are very lucky that I am worried about Yo at the moment; otherwise you would be in a world of pain. Wear the bloody shirt if that's what you want, but if you start causing the other red-shirted workers to become distinctive characters, I promise you will feel my wrath!'

'Wouldn't dream of it.'
The worker looked triumphant.

'Oh, and incidentally, the name is MaW. Nice to meet you.'

sea growled at him, making the classic Leave-Before-I-Decapitate-You noise; a noise common to American females of the 13-17 age range and foreign to MaW, causing the noise to be of its utmost potency. MaW scurried back to the dig site.

The phone rang.

sea ran directly into the doorframe in her frenzied attempt to get to it.

'What does it say? Hurry, Marv!'

Inside his head, Marv's mind grumbled. It was sour over having been torn away from a perfectly good drunk break to cater to the whims of a man who was dancing about like a child on Christmas morning, wanting to see everyone else's presents to make sure they weren't better than his.

'Keep your pants on. It'll only be another minute.'

Affy studied the paper again.

.Oooo..o.. ..oOO..oO..oOo..Oo..o..Ooo.:.. ..oO..oOoo..oOoo.. ..oOO..oooo..OOO.. ..o..Oo..O..o..oOo.. ..oooo..o..oOo..o.. ..oO..oOo..o.. ..Ooo..OOO..OOO..OO..o..Ooo..

.( ..Oooo..o..oOO..oO..oOo..o.. ..OOO..ooOo.. ..O..oooo..o.. ..oOoo..oo..O..O..oOoo..o.. ..Ooo..OOO..Oo..OOo..oOoo..OoOO.. ..oo..oooO..o.. ..O..oooo..oOo..OOO..oOO..Oo.. ..oO..oOoo..oOoo.. ..OO..OoOO.. ..oo..Oo..O..OOO.. ..oO..Oo..Ooo.. ..oo.. ..O..oooo..o..OoOO..oooO..o.. ..O..oO..OoO..o..Oo.. ..OOO..Oo.. ..OOoO..ooO..oo..O..o.. ..oO.. ..ooOo..oOo..oo..OOo..oooo..O..o..Oo..oo..Oo..OOo.. ..Ooo..o..OO..o..oO..Oo..OOO..oOo.).

What could it mean?

The phone rang five times before sea was able to stagger over to it and snatch it off the cradle.

she said.

'sea, so glad to catch you. Hope I didn't call at a bad time.'

It was Garius. sea rested her head on the desk.

'Oh, no. I haven't heard from Yo in hours, and it's beginning to look like he's been caught following Saturn Girl, and I shudder to think of what will happen to him if she DID catch him. I'm beginning to feel ill, quite frankly, and I'm thinking of taking my own life. It's not a bad time at all.'

There was a pause while Garius contemplated this bit of information.

'sea? Are you drunk?'

'No, sir, Ocifer Loopy-us, I swear I'm not as think as you drunk I am!'
sea giggled at her own lame joke.

'No, really though, I haven't had a drop today. Though, come to think of it, I think I suffered head trauma trying to get to the phone.'

Garius laughed unconvincingly.

'Ah, that sense of humor of yours. Anyway, I've been thinking... Are you thinking what I'm thinking, sea?'

sea frowned.

'Well, I think so, Garius, but why the zark would anyone invite a rhinoceros to a party in the first place? They make dreadful party guests.'

There was a longer pause.

'sea, what is Marv's cell number?'
She could hear his pen scratching as he jotted down the number.

'Thanks. Anyway, I'm going to give Marv a call, and then I'm going to hop the next flight to England.'

sea would hear none of it.

'You wanted incognito, you're getting incognito. You stay in the United States or I'll shoot you on sight! I'll bring you your zarking scripts, and don't you come get them! Good bye!'

sea slammed down the phone, then grinned, satisfied.

Marv's computer trumpeted, signalling the end of the translation. Affy, trying to see what it said, quite nearly knocked Marv over backwards in his chair. Marv reached back to thwap Affy, but his cell phone rang.

'I never get to have any fun,'
Marv sighed.

Holy zark! What's happened to sea?! What's happened to Yo?! What's happened to Saturn Girl and Red Dog?! Will sea really shoot Garius on sight? Oh, you don't know? Drat, I was hoping you would...

The Quest Collection


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