The Quest

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a work of fiction. Characters are intended to be amusing caricatures of their h2g2 counterparts, and the author means no offence in the use of researchers' names and characters. I don't even portray sea accurately. In short, please do not be offended. Your inclusion in the story simply means that I like you, so be flattered!


sea sat down at her desk and invited Red Dog to have a seat in the chair that faced it. Red Dog marvelled at its well-worn comfort.

'Nice place you've got here,'
he said to sea.

'Yes, it is, isn't it?'
sea smiled, and Red Dog got the urge to put his hand back on his weapon.

'Now, what can I do for you?'

Red Dog shifted uncomfortably.

'I came about the scripts. The Radio scripts. Since my sources were unable to find out who commissioned the search for them, I came here to make you a counter-offer.'

sea continued to smile pleasantly.

'They're not for sale, and I'm not the one you should speak to about purchasing them.'

'Now, sea,'
Red Dog smiled, sinking into negotiations mode.

'Surely we can come to some agreement. I'll pay you handsomely...'

sea cocked an eyebrow.

'Handsomely enough to compensate me for the loss of my reputation and a very dear friend?'
She smiled again.

'Not likely.'

Red Dog sighed, and drew his gun.

'Well, then, I guess we're going to have to do this the hard way...'

Gw7en pressed her ear against the door to sea's office.

'Marv? Marv!'

Red Dog levelled the gun at sea, who calmly stared at him and smiled, paying the gun little attention save for to hold still - and move slowly, if at all.

'What are you going to do, hold me hostage for the next three days? Won't work. I've got a very dedicated team out there-'

'Oh, shut up, sea.'

sea stopped speaking and smiling. She gestured for Red Dog to go ahead and give his terms for the arrangement. She reached up under her desk and retrieved her backup gun.

'You'll sell me those scripts or I'll put a bullet in your head right now. I don't care how you get them, just do it.'
Red Dog was angry.

sea raised a sardonic eyebrow.

'Didn't put a whole lot of thought into this beforehand, did you?'

'Shut up!'
Red Dog took a threatening step toward sea. She did not flinch. He reached out and grabbed her by the hair, yanking her out of her chair, earning an angry yelp from sea.

'Come on. Walk!'

sea growled. She had been so startled by Red Dog's grabbing her that she had dropped the gun beneath her desk. She swore as Red Dog dragged her toward the door and opened it.

Gw7en and Marv stood on the other side, both pointing 9mm handguns at sea and Red Dog, who was using sea as a human shield. For a few tense seconds, no one moved, no one spoke.

Finally, Marv broke the silence.

'Well, it seems we have a standoff. What shall we do, Gw7en? sea?'

'Don't worry about me. Shoot me,'
said sea. Red Dog yanked her hair and she yelped again. He put his gun to her temple.

'You'll do exactly as I say, or I'll kill her,'
said Red Dog.

'Now, tell me. Who commissioned this?'

Marv and Gw7en looked at one another.

Yo pressed his ear to the back door; a large shopping bag in one hand, drawn gun in the other. He set the bag down, cocked his gun, and prepared to open the door.

Oh no! Is this the end of sea? Find out next week!

The Quest Collection


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