h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It was the start of the Dogon Bakrid, a festival that forbade anyone going through Iddat attending. A local Chambress was out in the woods performing her secondary task of hunting amphibians. It fell to her as she was the only nun trained as a Frogger in that region. They were a secret part of a meal served at the festival in Addas consisting of frogs, Idareds and the meat of the Dogo, baked together in a large stew with assorted vegetables accompanied by a very strong drink made from the essence of the Crinum which is not dissimilar to the Pan-galactic Gargle Blaster. This drink rendered the Dama inoperable by affecting the TATA box, causing the drinker to go into a coma.
The only way to prove life was extant was by performing an Actogram. This was invented by an anomymous Galactico of which little is known as he died in obscurity. Some of his life story has been unravelled. He was a Frogpondian, inspired by something Crickety seen whilst out with a Cameriere friend who happened to be a Worlding. It happened at Lords, England, when he noticed something strange as the ground was being ploughed with an Idget. He was struck by the way the sun fell on the shaft at certain points that he noticed was Analemmatic and, by a quick calculation, worked out that by noting the time of day, the position of a shadow and using a piece of stick he could prove he existed. And so the Actogram was invented.
As for the Chambress? She succumbed to the alcoholic Crinum spirit after being discovered to be going through Iddat, was pronounced dead and joined 41 others who succumbed that year.

Wonderful job.

I can attest to the dangers of crinum. The Romanians warn against sleeping with lilies in the bedroom - with reason: They cause terrible dreams. I didn't listen.

Think aroma therapy designed by Clive Barker.

A light-hearted story in the spirit of the front page.



MMF



*And it includes Frogpondian!*

Frogpondian has to be my favourite word of the moment.

I have discovered it was created by Edgar Allen Poe:

'He was also hostile toward New England writers, often referring to Boston as Frogpondium and to the Transcendentalists as Frogpondian Euphuists.'



MMF

Ah, *that's* where I'd heard that...very well put, that Poe. It describes them to a T.

MMF