h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Apres Ski - A777747
Author: HanSolo - U197112

Would someone please take a look at my guide entry? It's my second one and I'd like to know what I could do better.
Thank you!

Hi Hansolo,

It's a good start, although you assume that any reader is a man, which you should change.

You also say - And this is what Après Ski is for! You go there just after finishing your last run, and stay there till dinner.

Go where? As a non-skier it isn't very clear to me. Could you change some of it around, so that you explain what they are earlier in the entry?

OK, I see the point with the gender. I wasn't thinking about this.
You mean like changing
...get something to drink for the nice girl next to you...
into something like
...get something to drink for the nice girl next to you...or ask the cute guy beside you getting you one

In that way?
Should be no problem!

The other thing: I wouldn't like to explain "apres ski" earlier, as I think this would destroy the structure.
But how about changing it to "(...)You start party just after finishing your last run..."
That would make the whole thing a bit more clear.

What do you think about that?

What about "And this is what Après Ski lodges are for". That way it gives an idea of what it is, without giving anything away.

Why not leave genders out, and use people?

well, I could leave genders out, that's right. would make the whole thing a bit easier *g*

thanks for your advice, I think I will soon have a new version ready.
(and you're welcome to comment on that *g*)

I'll look forward to it.

Thanks!
the new version is online now...I made some slight changes, and I think it's better now

I see you made some changes, but the girls and guys are still in there. Maybe it's only me that thinks it's wrong...

Personally, I think it can stand the references to buying girls drinks...

how about a link to the entry on skiing, then "ski" definitely doesn't need to be explained...

Don't use the word "frood". I like it, lots of people like it, but it won't get in the Edited guide with obvious DouglasAdamsisms like that in it, sorry.

"Most of the lyrics matter alcohol, party and sex "

Does this mean, "most of the lyrics concern alcohol, partying and sex"?

What is a polonese? (you could put this in a footnote)

Are these places fitted with cash machines? If not, where are you going to get more money from?

Well, that's a few suggestions. Good luck with it.

H.

hey, I really have to thank you guys for helping me
my english is quite well, but wrinting proper and developing a own style is not too easy

Ok, so I added a link to skiing and a reference to snowboarding
Then I changed "matter" to "concern"...you're right, that sounds much better!

I didn't know the thing with "frood", I also changed this.

The footnote was a good idea, too. I added this, as some people really might not know what that is.

But I agree with you: "buying drinks" I'd like to let in.

Well, I think the entry is gettin better every day! Maybe I should leave it like that now?

Hey there HanSolo!
I really liked this article. Lots of fun.

I think that the guys/girls stuf is pretty even. Blantant flirtations abound at these parties, so it's appropriate to mention them, even by sex. As long as it's balanced, which IMO it is.

There are a few other grammatical issues, but those can be dealt with in here, or perhaps in peer review, if you wanted to send this writing onward.

Anyway, if you want a detailed report to edit this grammatically let me know and I'd love to help.

Friar

Thank you for your reply.
Well, I do like to have some grammatical help, as english is not my mother language.

So if you have the time, please give them to me.
I think if I will have corrected them, I will put my entry on peer review. You think I should do that?

HanSolo

I certainly do think this would be a nice piece for peer review, they will give you additional idea to make this Edited Guide Material
I will try to edit your piece for grammar today or tomorrow morning, give me 30 hours or so, if you please.
Friar

Here you go!

I altered a bit of the language, and corrected a lot of the grammar and spelling. I also lost the smileys which aren't used in edited guide entries. I took out almost all of the "you"s and rearranged the sentence to preserve the meaning. It's really awkward to write "one should" all over.

I'm sure there're still mistakes I've missed and even MORE sure that I've created a few!

But here's one run through of your edited entry:
Create a new entry, copy this text, paste it into the new entry, and click on preview to see it. Take a good look, if you like it, you can cut your old text and replace it with the edited test. Othewise you can use your new entry, and preserve your old entry.

Friar




The best way to finish a great ski day


"Aprs" means after, and ski doesn't need to be explained, does it? If you really don't know, take a look here Aside from that what is "Aprs ski"?
It's the best way to finish a perfect skiing/snowboarding day.
On a skiing holiday, most vacationers travel for a week. Assuming the potential skiers want to have some energy left for the skiing day, getting to bed on time is essential. This is the purpose of Aprs Ski lodges! After finishing the last run, skiers head to the lodge and stay until dinner. Getting to bed not too late assures that on the next morning they are fresh for some great new runs!
Where to go?
Normally, Aprs-Ski Lodges are situated just at the end of the slopes, down in the valley. Usually these small shacks or huts are decorated with mountain accessories.
For real "Aprs Ski", Austria is the place to go. Some of the most popular places are the "Mooserwirt" in St. Anton, and the "Kuhstall" in Wagrain (Sportsworld Amadée, near Salzburg).

Music
Most of the Huts play special party music. This music is roughly the same style played in the discos on Mallorca. Most of the lyrics concern alcohol, party and sex.

How to do it?

Put skis somewhere where they will be easily found, even if it's dark then
Get some money, as taxis are needed to get home later...
Go in and search a free space at the bar. Don't sit down, as that will not be as much fun!
Get something to drink.
If alone, search some other revelers and join them.
Get something to drink.
...get something to drink for/from the nice girl/boy/other next to you...
Sing along. Even if the lyrics are German, there won't be any difficulty.
Start a poloneseA lot of people just walk in a chain through the place...simply place hands on the SHOULDERS of the person ahead in line.
There won't be problems finding people fellow dancers. Be the first in the chain, as it is earier to pick the cutest girls/boys out of the crowd.
Start some drinking games with the partiers picked out earlier.
If you're male: don't forget that you'll probably have to pay the drinks! (good for you, girls!)
Get phone numbers.
Continue to party
If the hut closes or your dinner is calling: get a taxi to drive home. A good idea is to have an address on a paper, so the driver still can get find the home
Better: get invited to someone else's house!

well, I already thought I had posted an answer, but it didn't appear...

OK, I updatet the article and used some of your suggestions.
I did not take all, as I sometimes wanted to preserve the style.

If you want to, take a short look at it and tell me what you think.
I will put it in peer review then.

You want me to put you on the researchers list? would be no problem!

Before the first header, "So waht is. . ." and before the "How to do it" header you should put the preceding paragraphs in tags to give a line spcae before the Header.

The article looks good. I don't know what they'll say in Peer Review about the "How to do it" section. Because it's "instructional" using 'you' might be OK, but i dunno.
The article looks great.

Thanks for offering, but you don't have to add me as a researcher. I love editing works as fun as this one! You did the writing and this piece does belong to you, my contribution was minimal. I'm flattered by the offer and thanks for asking!

I'll take a look if/when you send this off to PR.

Good Luck,
Friar

ps. if you want me to take another look, just let me know.

Ok, the article is now in Peer Review!

We'll see how the others like it and I hope someone will then recommend it for the edited guide...

Thanx all for your help!