Some more general advice for the H2G2 Guild of SuperHeroes to assist them in their thwarting.

If in desperate straights - if faced by a legion of Villains armed only with a Banana and a bad attitude for instance, then don't worry for you are protected by The Laws of Heroic Cliches.

Heroic Swordplay

There are many cliches that will protect you during Swordplay with a villain.

• If duelling with a Villain at some point, you will cross swords at face level. This will allow both of you to grip each others weapons while making nasty/sarcastic comments before you break the clinch and continue fighting. Have your best insult ready before this happens and don't be afraid of just ramming your sword guard into their face before finishing them off - sorry ..... take him into custody and let the due processes of the law operate. Ahem.
• If you cross swords at or below waist level, the Villain will break the clinch, fall back, and pause - despite the fact that a simple upthrust into your belly after the break would end the duel right there and then.
• If there is a candelabra, the Villain will show how talented he is with a sword by cutting the candles and watching them fall over; you can do the same but the candles won't fall until after the Villain has made a comment about your lack of fencing ability, at which point the cut candles topple of their own volition demonstrating your superior prowess. Take advantage of the situation by giving the Villain a good kicki ..... sorry ..... take him into custody and let the due processes of the law operate.
• During a duel, you will at some point jump or climb onto a table/bench/piano/platform that raises you above the Villain. At that point, the Villain will predictably swipe at your legs. Knowing this you may anticipate the swipe by neatly jumping into the air heels together.
• Duels usually have one scene where you and the Villain will go off thread and lurkers will just see your shadows fighting.
• If there are stairs, you will be gradually forced up them backwards by the Villain, at which point you will either leap to the ground or swing from a rope/chandelier/tapestry to get away.
• If there is a tapestry or chandelier, you will cut it loose and drop it on the Villain's henchmen.

If the Villain wounds you in your sword arm, one of three things will happen:

1. You instantly become ambidextrous and fight with sword in your other hand.
2. You will find something else to defend yourself with (tapestry, chain, 12-gauge shotgun) that can be used with the other hand.
3. Your partner/CHOPPER colleague/sidekick comes up behind the Villain and impales them thus saving your face.

If you are disarmed by a Villain, one of three things will happen:

1. The Villain will foolishly show a trace of honour and allow you to retrieve your sword.
2. You will make mad dash/leap over or around Villain to regain your sword.
3. Just when it looks like the end, your partner/CHOPPER colleague/sidekick throws a sword to you, which you manage to grab easily, surprising the Villain allowing you to stick him in the vita ..... sorry ..... take him into custody and let the due processes of the law operate.

Red Dog has a fantastic collection of Heroic Swords available for hire if needed.

Fights

• If you use martial arts rather than a weapon, Villains will always face you one-on-one. Spare Villains may dance around the fight taunting you, but none will engage you until you have satisfactorily disposed of the first Villain.
• Villains can be rendered inoperative by bumping them on the head. Beware, though; after you have left the scene, the Villain will regain consciousness and be more determined to attack you. Clasping your hands together and hitting the Villains back ("a Kirk") will also guarantee unconsciousness.
• Any fight taking place on the edge of a canyon, tall building, or other high place requires at least one Villain to get plugged by a bullet, arrow, or other missile weapon, causing them to fall, but keeping them alive enough to hear his scream of terror echo as he plunges to his doom. A moment to be savoured.

Heroes

• Stripping to the waist makes you invulnerable unless you are female.
• Male Heroes will always be paired off with a female character. Your faithful sidekick never will.
• Your best friend/partner will usually be killed by a Villain three days before retirement.
• Your new wife will be mowed down by 80 machine guns right after the wedding or during the honeymoon.
• When you are paired with a weak sidekick, that sidekick will invariably save your life at a crucial moment, or show remarkable and unexpected proficiency with weapons in a key scene.
• Your assistant/sidekick will normally wear a red shirt and die in an act of heroic sacrifice.

Injuries

• You will always have a small trickle of blood in the right corner of your mouth after a fist fight. Your lip will never be split in the middle, and your upper lip will always be invulnerable. You will usually wipe the blood from the corner of your mouth with the back of your hand, then look at it. If your face displays any other injury, it will usually be a small abrasion on your right cheekbone.
• You will always refuse the assistance of friends or medical personnel after a fight.
• If you get into a second fight, your most injured body part will always be punched or kicked by the Villain early on. Watch for this.
• You will show no pain even during the most terrific beating, yet you will wince if a women attempts to clean a facial wound.
• If you are knocked out, you won't get a concussion or brain damage. If you get a bloody nose, you'll stop bleeding almost immediately.
• You may get shot in the shoulder, and if so you will still be able to use your arm.
• Watch facial scars - if you get one you are likely to go insane, turn into a Villain and seek revenge for the rest of your life.

Evil Villains

• The Villain is usually a foreigner no matter what nationality you are.
• The Villain normally has a henchman that is always slow, heavy and dull witted. They are rarely a threat. The Villain usually kills his henchman for failing, yet don't seem to ever run out of loyal henchmen.
• When a Villain seems dead, he never is. He will always be allowed one, and sometimes two resurrections. You will invariably see him coming, even if your back is turned. If you don't - don't worry as another CHOPPERS colleague will always finish the Villain off.
• Villains lurk until their presence is revealed by a flash of lightning.
• You will occasionally be involved in a mighty struggle, and at the appropriate time (usually by an insult or a revelation about your family history from the Villain) you will become inspired with strength enough to overpower the Villain.
• Whenever a Villain has captured a you, he will pause for 5 minutes to tell the you every detail of his plan to destroy and/or rule the earth, including times, dates, and addresses. This megalomaniac gloating over his victory and your downfall will prove just enough to allow you to figure a way out of this predicament, or just long enough to allow a rescue attempt.
• In all situations the Villain, instead of simply offing you on the spot, will devise some sort of drawn-out, fiendishly clever method of execution that will take enough time to allow you to figure out your escape.

Weapons

• Major characters never run out of ammunition, nor do they ever have to reload, nor do you ever have to actually carry any spare ammo until that scene.
• The first shot or burst of fire from a Villain always misses, and is there just to announce that a fight will be taking place.
• When a Villain runs out of bullets, he'll throw away his gun. When you do the same you'll conveniently come across another one immediately.
• If you do happen to be shot - a cigarette case/lighter/bible/lucky coin in your pocket will usually block the bullet giving you a great story to tell which you will - frequently and often.
• If this fails and you are still shot then you will miraculously turn out to have had the foresight to wear a bulletproof vest, armor plating, or even a silver tray to protect your torso. No one will ever shoot you in the head.
• If you ever face a ridiculously large number of marksmen with high powered weapons, they will all miss after several shots. Then you will normally pull out a gun that looks like a toy and start picking off the Villains from half a mile away, usually hitting them in the forehead.
• If you are still unable to hit any Villains with cliché assistance, don't despair - you will always be able to hit and detonate a stick of dynamite from 150 feet away with your gun on the first try.
• Villains always pump out a few shells or rounds at each corner when chasing you. They will always miss and you will be able to increase the distance between you and the pursuer. It is therefore approved CHOPPER best practice to run around as many corners in pursuit mode as possible. Make sure there are sufficient buildings in the vicinity to maximize the effect.
• If you are hiding around a corner and are being fired on - don't worry - bullets will always whiz past or hit the edge of the building near your face. Warning - beware the possibility of receiving the dreaded facial scar (see above) from material splintering off the building.
• Use Shurrikens and Knives when ever possible - they never miss, and will often pin the Villains clothing to a wall or tree enabling you to take your sadistic revenge on them at your lesi - sorry ..... take him into custody and let the due processes of the law operate.
• Villains will always wait 'till the very last moment to assemble their complex sniper weapon (often a pistol the size of a rifle).
• If you are hiding behind an oil drum it will never contain inflammable substances. If you are hiding behind a car or truck you will never be shot in the legs.

Vehicles

• Villains will always drive large underpowered sedans and you will always drive fast racy sportscars
• Villains will always attempt to force you off the road by driving alongside you instead of ramming you from behind.
• Villains will attempt to shoot you from their car by driving alongside and only shooting you when you are dead level. They will miss and when you shoot back you will always hit the driver forcing them off a cliff/into a truck full of vegetables/off a bridge into a river/off a dock.
• Shots fired at the rear of a Villains vehicle by you will always cause the gas tank to explode.
• If Villains shoot you from behind - your rear windscreen will be hit instead of the gas tank. If you shoot them over your shoulder then your shots will always cleanly penetrate their windscreen and hit the driver in the forehead.
• In all car chases all you have to do is to duck a little to avoid a bullet in the forehead. Remember - Mirror - Signal - Maneuver - Duck

see also CHOPPERS Handbook Part I.