Everything You Ever wanted To Know About Being a Superhero

The Superhero Benefit Package

Joining CHOPPERS is the next step in the attainment of the finer things in life, your friends will look at you anew with more respect in their eyes and you can hold your head high in every conceivable social circumstance. Other benefits for you to think about are that:-

• Your insurance premiums will drop
• You will get invites to more, and better, parties and you become irresistable to women (or any other gender of choice)
• Get to visit a few places you can`t get to on the normal tourist trail
• Dress up in brightly coloured spandex
• Occasionally indulge in acts of mindless violence against evil doers

Irresistable - You Bet !

Heroic Posing

Superhero's love to posture and CHOPPERS have a number of approved poses all of which are naturally enhanced by the garb and physique of Superhero's.

• The "Steely Eyed Gaze Into The Distance" usually acommpanied by one hand over the eyes for shade and a use of supervision powers (if available)


• The "Our work here is done" - pose completed by fluttering cape, hands on hips and slight smugness playing on the lips at the thought of STUMPED being thwarted yet again.


• The "Holy baloney" - Quizical expression, finger raised in 'aha' gesture.


• The "Biff! Pow! Kersplat! Kaboom!" - action poses are a vital part of Superheroing and all of which are designed to show off superphysiques. All of these poses show effortless grace, a controlled use of violence and a lack of commonsense.


• The "Look at me I'm Flying" - Flying is always done in the traditional fashion with one arm streched out infront and one leg tucked under. It is never done with the use of mechanical devices. If a cape is worn then it must flutter gently behind.


• The "Look at Me I'm Falling" - often accompanied by the flailing of arms and legs in an undignified fashion, a lot of yelling and culminating by hitting the ground very hard. Not one for the inexperienced.


• The "Doh" - a head scratch and a confused expression usually indicates that something happened that the hero involved didn't expect. This is often caused by STUMPED or ones own comrades-in-arms.
• The "Ta-Daaaa" - one of our many victory poses, usually distinguished by a salute to the vanquished foe using any number of digits (as long as it adds up to one or two). Sometimes accompanied by a little victory dance unique to each Superhero.
• The "Gargoyle" - a crouching like a gargoyle on the corner of a high building pose with cape/cloak fluttering and eye's a-glowing. One for the darker more brooding heroes.

Advance posing classes are run every Thursday by Red Dog in the CHOPPERS gym. New initiates are always welcome.

The Inkwash Handy Utterances Corner

In a pinch a Hero can always be relied on for a suitable comment or a memorable phrase from the pithy to the blinding obvious.

Some of Inkwash's classics are:

"Hmmm... there's something fishy going on here" (Inkwash).

"Prepare to meet your maker [insert Supervillain name of your choice]" (Inkwash).

"Heavens to Murgatroyd" (Inkwash).

"Heroes never quail" (Inkwash).

Alter Ego's

Many Superheros have Real Life Alter Ego's. Uncle Heavy is a well known alchoholic and womaniser, whilst others are rich, handsome and debonaire playboys or mild mannered reporters. The choice is yours.

Dress Sense For Superhero's

This year spandex, bright colours, lycra, knee high boots, capes and masks are in. Spandex is a timeless classic and is the fabric of choice for most Hero's.

Superpowers

There is no limit to what you can do as a Superhero limited only by your conscience and the need to uphold peace, justice and the H2G2 way.

The Job

It is our job to let evil know fear, to stand in harms way, to protect the innocent, to let Mr Justice and Mr Righteous Revenge into the party, and to thwart; always to thwart.

Our primary duty is to combat STUMPED and it is our sacred duty to thwart. They are always doing something evil and nasty and if they are not doing something then they`ll be plotting to do something and it is our sacred duty to thwart. Either way we should be thwarting until the cows come home.

CHOPPERS Strategy and Tactics

The Frontal Assault plan - our Number 1 plan for some considerable time. Hit them hard with everything we've got repeatedly until they give up - it has the virtues of simplicity and immense satisfaction for all involved. None of your pontificating here.

The Sneaky Plan - our Number 2 plan. Sneak up on them quietly then hit them hard with everything we've got repeatedly until they give up - it has the virtues of simplicity and immense satisfaction for all involved but requires a small amount of guile and cunning. Not one for the impatient.

The "Wearing a rubber mask of an alleged villain and ripping it off at the right moment to suprise and overwhelm the opponent" plan - under development and awaiting a field trial.

See also CHOPPERS Handbook Part II.