h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... and it's very sexy too.

Thankyou. I believe Mrs Stephen King is wont to shout at her husband 'Stop being so g*dd*m needy!', advice I should prolly follow myself...

hi awix, just thought i'd pop in to say that i havent read you column.

FABT

that was a lie

actually i did read it

i sounds terrible.....

i think i'll wait for the porn version!

FABT

The porn version of what, exactly?

The porn version of this column? (Well, oddly enough, I'm naked as I type this. The owner of the internet cafe doesn't look too pleased.)

Or the porn version of Dog Soldiers? Hmm, now there's an idea with potential...

well, i saw clips of the porn version of terminiator.....'i need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle' takes on a whole new meaning.

also, i have seen more of the 'erotic witch project' than the 'blair witch project' and i have to say taht at least the rude one seemed to have a point to it.

sorry, i'll go wash my mind out with soap

~Greebo grabs a webcam.. plugs it in and revs it up~

Now Awix... about this nakedness of yours...

~Greebs..xx

Anyone here ever seen 'Flesh Gordon'? Absolutely hilarious - I wish I had a copy!

shazz

The content of the porn version of Dog Soldiers? Sounds like it will be like funonthefarm dot com. Why not just watch Channel 5, late night, friday?

I ain't seen that, but I have seen Dracula- Dead and Loving It. That's funny the first time but less so the second time. Also, Young Frankenstein is good.

Honestly, Greebo, you're too young for that sort of thing. Just think of the rippling muscles of Charles Hawtrey coupled with the grace and co-ordination of Jabba the Hutt and you'll have a small inkling of what I see in the mirror when climbing out of the bath.

You need a new mirror. Or a picture to put in its place.

I'm not sure a change of mirror would do much good unless it was the kind of mirror that doesn't reflect what's in front of it (better known as either a 'window' or a 'picture'). A window near the bath is right out of the question as I don't want the neighbours coming round with the flaming torches and pitchforks again, it was bad enough last time. I am open to suggestions on the picture front though.

Put a paper bag over you head and buy one of those men's health magazines. Blow up the most suitable picture and put that near the bath, with a reflection of the surroundings around it. Then the only person you have to fool is yourself.

Hmmm... me loves you as you are Awix... and would never want to change you...

~huggle~

Greebs..xx

just 'cos you think that will get you

Hmm... does that mean it won't?

not from me anyway, i'm starving and if i had a i would have eaten if by now!

~big grin~... hmmm... if you had a doughnut... me just knows you would give it to me... cause you is very nice...

Greebs...xx

*Gives to Greebo*

Here y'are.

(thinks) Hopefully all these s will distract everyone away from thoughts of my moist, pallid, faintly wrinkled and pendulous person in all its post-ablution horror...