Smudger Snippets: The Patio Door

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I suppose it's because I have so much time on my hands these days, that all these memories come flooding back to me.

The Patio Door

Many years ago when I renovated the old house that I was brought up in, I changed what used to be a window in the living room into a patio door. This was due to the fact that to get out into the back garden we used to have to go through the hall, then the kitchen which lead to the utility room, and then through the back door.

That was only just one change I made at the time, as I was renovating the house so that the family could move into it. Then a few years later, changes were made in my personal life and we ended up divorced, and to cut a long story short, I ended up having to buy the house back as it was not selling and the financial pressure I was going through was dragging me down.

So in the end, my new wife and I ended up living there, running a bed and breakfast business to pay the mortgage I had to take out to buy my ex-wife out. Which was frustrating for me, as I had worked away from home and overseas all those years in order to pay the house off, and be free of any mortgage!

We were making a go if it, in fact we were really doing well but it was hard work and demanded all our time, which left little time for socialising with our friends. So at the weekends we used to have a few friends round for a drink at the house, as we had our own living area and the guests had theirs. On a few occasions the guests ended up joining us and they really enjoyed themselves, so much so that they came back to stay with us again on their next visit. We had our own pet names for our friends and the long staying guests that stayed with us, there was Angry Allan, Fruity Fiona, Evil Edna, and Amorous Angus. These names came about due to certain characteristics in their personalities, and they took them all in good fun.

It was quite a nice small group of friends that we had and we all got along very well, sharing our personal problems and worries. Then there was an Australian bloke called Kent; we called him "Kent who went" as he did leave us for a short time, but came back to us a few days later.

Evil Edna got her name because she was a single divorced woman, who was always on the lookout for a male partner, on one occasion she ended up taking one of our long term guests away from us, that was "Kent who went", who did move back in with us after a few days; after they developed a relationship, it seemed he felt more at home with us.

Now Evil Edna had this thing about, well, trying to be a bit above her station, if you know what I mean, laying on airs and graces, which would soon disappear after she had a few glasses of wine! Anyway, it was during the early days of her relationship with Kent; one warm summer evening they had both strolled out into the garden to talk.

When they came back in Evil Edna realised that she had left her glass of wine outside and went out to retrieve it. During this time someone had closed the patio door, not thinking anything about it. Anyway, just as she was approaching the patio door, there was a lull in the conversation, and for some reason, everyone turned to look at Evil Edna as she was coming back in. She had triggered the security light, which came on in the twilight evening, catching everyone's attention.

Realising this, she started to put on a sophisticated look and put a swing into her walk, probably to get Kent's attention. Of course, with the security light on, and the twilight of the evening, she never noticed that the patio door was closed. She walked right into it, banging her nose on the glass and spilling the glass of wine all over herself as she fell back from the rebound.

The look on her face as she did so was priceless, it was a combination of total disbelief, shock and confusion, the sophisticated look that she'd had earlier disappeared, along with her balance. It seemed to be a long time before she eventually fell onto her backside with her legs high in the air.

Of course we all wanted to go out and rescue her from the fall and ask if she was all right, but not one of us could so, because we were all laughing so much we couldn't even move, let alone assist her. When we did pick her up and get her back into the living room to brush her down, she was totally embarrassed, which made it even more difficult for us all to stop laughing, and none of us could keep a straight face, which of course made her feel a lot worse. It was just so funny at the time, even now, years after, it still brings a smile to my face.

I must admit, though, she was a plucky person and it never stopped her from coming round again to see us all, and in the end she did see the funny side to it all, and because we were such a tight group, she forgave us all. My only regret was that I never had a camera at the time to capture the whole incident, especially that look on her face.

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