h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

GRUMP GRUMP GRUMPPP

If I want to poke my toung out i'll b**dly well do it!

*hits the Rev. over the head with the huge mallet*

Yea well that happens

You're just begging for it, aren't you?

*places something under the Rev.*

well well well watching eh!

Ok i'll sit down and make it easy for you!

*slowly turning the Rev. into a *

a frosty

once again it's boring to be on your own, bu**er it i'm off to bed

just don't know why i'm back on line but i'am, this time of year is my busyest time of year, what with all the pressys that i'll have to take back and get refunds on after christmass, and all tht bl**dy christmass cheer, Bo**ocks to christmass cheer!

The rev's back and back with a vengance, ohohoh i'm in a mood for that yule tide grump with all the pox on top!

Her nextdoor need to be hung like the old gamebird she is! This moring around 6.30 my dogs(god bless'um) asked to go out to lift there legs! so being a considerate owner I open the back door to let them out, shes allready out there, watching, listling, so thinking theres an intruder in the vicinity they (the dogs) let rip with a good bark and run up and down the fence( now bearing in mind that there not in her garden but mine) she runnng up and down shouting get them off,shes in hers! Its good exercise I said and the dogs don't mind it! so i left them to it and made a cup of tea! pulled back the curtains to watch from the comfort of my kitchen, this went on for a good 10mins till she spolit it by realiseing that she could run back into her own kitchin!

Massy and Fergson my terriers had a good work out and i'ed like to think that the old bint enjoyed her self too!

That's a great story! I could visualise the whole thing.

Story eh! i'll give you story!

Yes please, give me another one! (she says, sarcasm clearly not registering)

so once again the yule tide is apon us and theres no snow just a light drizzle, dampness, dark nights, and the inlaws that eat everything even the carpets in the hallway! You spend all year being nice to then and how do they repay you by coming over to yours at christmass, not by saying you can come to us, and then you can refuse, there by saving the bloody awful time you now going to have! Yer aunty rosie, you know the one with the hairy mole and heavly scented tweed suit! trying to kiss everyone,(i now need a stiff drink)don't you think that when that happens the first time when your a kid, it prepares your for life, that could be it, the meaning of life, ok nows the time to run for the hills! thats good i can do running!

I'll be back with more on this later on today

Well thats over and done with for another year, i hate birthday parties! as it allways brings the worst out in people, that false, squeeky clean, "lets all sing happy birthday" "blow out the candles type of happyness" Poppycock, and Bo**ocks thats all! Sh*t pressys when are you ever going to wear "that" jumper, even the dog's refuse to sleep on it, which is quite correct of course! why give the dog's a complex there the only thing that given you any form of affection over this period!

And another thing, while i'm touching the sore subject, christmass TV programms, They know that were going to be stuck in the house with the tv on and the relations around, stuffed and drunk on your food and best drink, (also WTF is a snowball? any ideas?) sat in your chair the one that you've been taking all year to get right, the one you've been putting newspapers under the coushing to give the right support! Which have been removed to let aunty rose( the one with the hairy mole)sit down comfy and so you put the TV on and there it is! Cr*p! nothing else for but Cr*p!

I like to think that i'm buliding a case for arming the poulation with high powered rifles/ hand guns! Now that would be a christmass pressy, to my dear partner if you are reading...... I live in hope! ah hope I can just remember the feeling of hope, so long ago! Bo**ocks lose that thought rev! lose it! LOSE IT! ahhh thats better just for an instent there.... i'm back to the grump!

There end'th the yule tide greeting i'm off to let the dogs out, her next doors is out getting something and if i'm lucky...... with dogs will provide me with some sport.....

Rev Jack

Yes the rev is back in the house and starting to grump!

That sentance sounds so energetic, until you realise what it actually says.

Grump on Rev!

Now then just how many bits of wires do you have to have stuck out the back of your average computer, too many that's how many, why can't someone design just a standard cable fitting to do the lot! one one for the mouse, one for the keyboard, one for the moniter, one for the power, one for the speakers, one for the modem, one for the power to the monter, one for the printer, one for the power to the printer, need i go on? So when i want to change the placement of my computer I end up with the mess of cables on the floor or in the garden depending where i throw them! even my dog's(God bless'um) find the need to leave the planet, when i do the computer thingy! spending hour's on my back trying to stick a plug into the back of the computer only to find that it's the wrong hole or the plug is up the wrong way or both! It ends up with me loseing my temper and banging the table with my head! Right thats it, I've had enough of this cr*p, I'm taking the dog's for a walk, then i'm down the pub for a swift half!

I'll be back later, with more on the subject! and another thing why is there allways a 150mm cable in the packet, that never fit's anything?

I've moved my computer into a different room, in my house, the missuses has been really helpfull by keeping out of the way, my dog's(GOD BLESS'UM) has has been keeping "her nextdoor" on her toes by chaseing her up and down the garden fence! Bu**er, i've been lulled into a false sence of scurity, i'm suddlenly thinking it's a ok sort of world, the brids can sing, I like my job of work and the assoiated workmate's, I say hello to the poastman, Then it happens, a small trivel, minute, insigniftcant thing that return's you to the world with a bump, right on your arse! the full headlight blaze of a runaway truck, today was one of those days, Massey, one of my dog's(GOD BLESS'UM) got out and procceded to run around, with gay abandon, investgating the local inviroment, spying the local religious person, went over to say hello! in the only way a dog can, "stuff your nose up the bum of the recipent" type of greeting! This action caused a ripple of emoction from the vicar, now weather he's use to such a greeting is open to debate but i did notice that the recipent did have a smile on his face! so then I went over to the group of people to retreive the wayward dog(GOD BLESS'UM) when I recived the fatel blow from the vicar, " I hav'ent seen you or your wife at my sunday bash for a long time, Have WE " My reply " and i thought sunday was a day of rest and a having a bit of a roll in bed with the one you love, walking the dog's(GOD BLESS'UM), a belly full of beer, falling alseep in front of the TV, eating a cold lunch because you've miss it, as you were doing the dog walking and the belly full of beer bit! at the same time, not sat in some cold church listening to some old coddger stood up in a pullpit yodaling on! At this point I was getting into full grump mode and the better half made an apperance and my left ear was pulled, but I was out done by my dog(GOD BLESS'UM) Massy just gently walked up to the vicar and lifted his leg, emptying the contence his bladder from just above the knee, down the right leg of the vicar, this provoked the responce from the vicar, who tryed to kick the dog, he missed, So I kicked the vicar, hard in the shin! I felt better! Eye for an eye i think! and went back in to my kitchin for lunch!

I'll be back later on