h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmm, yeah, the place has been burnt down so many times before, after all...


Also, I think we're out of fire extinguishers. All I could find was this cheap knockoff *presents a canister of 'Fier Exinguisher'* and I'm kinda worried about its effect.

*sprays some exinguisher on the flames anyway*




Oooooh. Look at all the pretty colours!

Oooooh! That's even better than the pink icing!

*pours another glass of water on the flames*

it somehow seems more homely this way

*watches the flames spread around the room, as the curtains melt and the floor turns an odd reddish colour*

'Homely as a mud fence', as Damon Runyon once said in one of his stories (I used it for a translation exercise, and I still remember how much trouble I had with this expression).

I think there was a system to pull out an alternate tearoom whenever the existing one got ruined again. Maybe we should go look for it. Knowing how unnecessarily complicated things usually are around here, it will probably be hidden behind a fake wall, and involve turning three keys at the same time, or something.
Uhm, not that I ever sneaked into the management offices to figure out how they do it, I'm just guessing, you know. Just a complete wild guess, yeah. Haha. I'll be so surprised if I'm right. Yeah. Haha. *cough*

Pfft. Fake walls and keys and such. Well that's just crazy talk, Lady P.

*fingers a key in her pocket while trying not to look at the cupboard door*

*raises an eyebrow at Jay*

What has it in itss pocketssssesss?

*The fire spreads further, causing the floorboards to twist and smoke. The melted curtains begin sizzling, issuing lovely swirly purple fumes that smell like marmalade and Wednesday morning. The ceiling begins to cave in, ever so slightly. Scattering noises can be heard from the walls, as mice, squirrels, cockroaches and a semi-civilized race of mutant ants hurry to pack up and leave. Soot residue leaves black frost-like patterns on the windows, then gathers in blobs as the glass becomes hotter.*
*The flames, now completely out of control, get slowly closer to the cupboards.*

*Closer...*





*C l o o o o s e r . . . *


*Lady P watches...*










...Ohh, what the hell, come on!

*Lady P runs to one of the cupboards and opens it to reveal a dark tunnel.*

Everyone, in here! This leads to the secret management office. We'll have to figure it out from there.

Hurry, hurry! It's so hot in here, we can't have long before everything collapses!

*runs into tunnel*

Few I was getting worried for a moment there,
note to self, do not use cake as fuel

*jumps head first into the cupboard*

*As the fire grows ever bigger, everyone hurries into the tunnel, and the door closes behind them. They emerge here: F1749351?thread=8067848 *

*swoons in the delicious smell of marmalade and Wednesday mornings*





HEY.........DON'T......FORGET.........................MEEEEEEEE!!!..........




*faints*




*As the fuscia flames grow ever higher, they inch toward Jay's pocket which carries the key*

*Emerges from the tunnel opening in the cupboard to find the whole room filled with a thick pink smoke. Or is it fog? For some odd reason, the room is incredibly cold. Apart from occasional fuchsia flashes here and there, nothing can be seen at all.*




*Slowly, gingerly, starts feeling her way along the wall, not sure what to do now.*

Jay?
Dragonqueen?
Anyone here?
Can you hear me?
*smaller voice* What happened here? What's going on?

It's dead in here is what seems to be going down.

*Desperately looks around, trying to figure out where the voice is coming from*

I think you're right. I think this place is stuck in some kind of a spacetime warp.

Well... what do we know about time warps? Jump to the left, step to the right, put your hands on your hips...

Could that help?

Let's do the Time Warp again!

*Does the time warp*

*Again*


How do you do a space warp? Maybe if we combine the two, we can get the room out of stasis.

I don't know...


Hold a game of "twister"

*Bursts in*
Arrgh! Noooo! Not the Sodding Time Warp!

*Standing in the fog, feeling quite foolish*

Well, what do you suggest? We're stuck.