h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It may only be a game, but it would certainly be easier to play if we had a ...

The relevant authorities are aware of your request! No promises mind...

*A lone Leicester City supporter staggers in*

I need everything you've got - make it triples and give it me quick .

There you go - a triple Ronaldo Rocket.

Sorry about Leicester. But if you think you've got problems - I support Bradford City, the well-known five-a-side team!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport/hi/english/football/teams/b/bradford_city/newsid_2004000/2004658.stm

Thanks Ormy

Can we get therapy here as well .... I've got 40 years worth to unload on someone ?

I think that most of the therapy available here comes in form.

But if your angst is football-related, you'll find some kindred spirits here. Me, for one...

*lines up x19 for Ormy*

Cheers, GD!

(Drinks . Collapses on the floor. es fitfully, occasionally shouting out mysterious phrases in his sleep, such as 'Who's left?' and 'Down to the Unibond.')

Well I'm in good company anyway - one Bradford fan one Blades fan.

*starts to drink heavily*

Relegation I can accept but I still can't believe we paid a million for Dennis Wise

(Twitches violently. Shouts 'Would you like fries with that?' Then wakes, looking somewhat shaky).

Morning. That was a bad night - I dreamed that the Administrators came to confiscate the Bradford fans and sold me into slavery.

I need some breakfast. (Pours self a )

Ah well you see, us Blades learned financial discipline some years ago. We've got a good stadium with good support, a resonable team and not much in the way of debt. Sheffield United's most expensive ever signing was Don Hutchison for £1.2million about 6 years ago. We flogged him on for the same sort of money a couple of years later.

Our plan is to hold fire until Wednesday go belly up and then we will be a one football team city, much like Leeds

Surely you don't really want to be like Leeds? Where are you going to get the racist fans and the criminal players?

*wakes up with a start*

Surely you would want to have a more ambitious goal than the footie equivalent of ethnic cleansing ? Being a sole club city isn't all it's cracked up to be you know - you should know on account of living in Brighton

*polishes the glasses and fills up the trays of nibbles*

* tries to kick a around, but fails miserably due to the spikey bits at each end of it *

Can I get any one anything?

Have you got any of those spherical salt and vinegar flavoured corn snacks that were popular back in the late 70s? I think they were called....

Not sure... hold on...

*disappears into the cellar*

Abi, can I just ask you directly: with less than four days to go to the big kick-off, is it looking likely that we might get our Smiley?

Please?