h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Dancing on tables... - A731477
Author: lilithcookie - U192100

Dancing on tables...

being more lucrative than waiting tables presents some opportunities for the genetically well-endowed with some physical coordination skills to make a killing for college tuition or whatever.

So here's some tips...

First you have to decide what sex you are so you end up in the proper venue. Like if you're a chic, it helps to have boobs, aka a nice set of knockers, whereas if you're a guy, you can forgo the knockers if you have rippling pectoral muscles.

We're going to concentrate on chics for now because that's how we were raised ok? So once you've checked out your anatomy to confirm that you do have boobs, you're ready to get started.

Of course even a chic without a huge bosom can get by if she's creative with her dance routines and she knows how to pose. Now that's a little difficult to articulate of course, but you'll know it when you see it so just checkout what other girls are doing and always remember, repetitive repetition is only exciting if you're doing it yourself. Watching it only causes people to yawn... repetitively.

Being able to shinny up a chrome plated pole is a very useful skill to include in a really creative routine. You need to be able to do it with some semblance of grace, however. And if you seem to be a klutz the first time, don't dispair because you may already have the requisite skills if you bother to practice what you learned in those gymnastics lessons your mama paid for that went for nothing because you got boobs before you got on the Olympic team.

Applying your youthful gymnastic skills diligently, you can quickly learn how to strip while hanging from your clenched thighs upsidedown without falling on your head. You'll soon realize too that pole dancing is sort of different from what fireman do when they slide down one because the idea is not to put out the fire but to start one. So just take your time... with the beat of course.

And also remember that all your moves should be orbital so you don't get to the end of something and jerk yourself out of joint. Plus stay in shape to avoid injuries from straining muscles you didn't know you had because you never bothered to ask your body where those muscles were and also because guys aren't going to pay to see something they can see at home for free.

Remember his wife already has a paying day job and maybe even a prenuptial agreement that entitles her to at least half his assets, dead or alive. So she doesn't have much incentive to keep her abs enticing but you do because you want to keep your night job and stay in the running for the thousand dollar 'private performance' opportunities that sometimes present themselves along with the high rollers... and the rest of the night is yours babe... or theirs.

Great thing!!

First of all, this is stuff for the Guide in the way I like it! Taken right from RL (real life, that is), and presented with quite a touch of humour

However, there are three really minor quibbles...

a) I'm not talking about PhD thesis'es but entries for the edited part of the Guide uses a somewhat (ugh! I'm a German and lacking the vocabulary) more 'polite' vocabulary instead of 'chic', 'boobs' etc.

b) Second, you should try to imagine telling an innocent reader about the basics of the business. Thus, an introduction sentence would be advisable at the beginning (to explain that table dancing is performed in some venue that is dimly lit although the drinks are quite expensive, and doesn't require wearing an expensive dress), and another one before 'Being able to shinny...' (to explain that table dancing can be done with the help of a pole).

c) Please split your sentences into smaller ones. There's a bad example right above, under point (b) of this posting


If I may add a point (d) now: don't lose that humour please!!!

Thanks for the feedback. I'll see what I can do about getting it polished a bit more incorporating your very helpful advice, without losing the timing of course.

This is sort of hard for me right now because I'm having to use a more formal style than I'm used to and that makes it easy to lose the cadence or whatever you want to call it. But I'll try to make it go somehow.

I also want to wait for a few more takes on it if anybody's interested before I try to do a final draft or whatever. I guess I have to resubmit it each time it's edited right?

Oh, 'repetitive repetition' ... looks like an opportunity to place a to: A600940 Endless Loops

Ooopsie, didn't see your posting when I sent mine.

No, you don't have quote the contents in this conversation (if it's that what you mean). There's an 'Edit entry' button if you as the author go to the URL of your entry and there it is where you're making the changes. Resubmitting - neither! Just post something as a reply here, so readers notice that something has been going on.

As to waiting for more comments... I'm afraid there won't be many The Writing Workshop is a *very* quiet place. If you go to <./>RF2</.> which is an alias then you'll see life proof for that

Hence it's best to do see what you can do to it and then head over to Peer Review straight on!

being more lucrative than waiting tables presents some opportunities for the genetically well-endowed with some physical coordination skills to make a killing for college tuition or whatever.

Now if you just got off the boat from Alpha centauri or wherever, you might not comprehend what I just said, so let me explain in my best intergalactic dialect ok?

There are places on planet earth where humans gather, mostly male humans or guys, to be convivial, or drunk to use the colloquial term, while watching naked or nearly naked human females dance on tables for money. And we human females, also known as girls, hope they have a lot of money to spend too because that, and residual moments of inertia, are what makes the world go round.

Now if you're a human female with a nice body or aspire to be, read on because I have some helpful hints for you. And if you're a male human or guy with rippling pectoral muscles, you can probably do some of this stuff too, in the proper venue that is. That's why you have to determine what gender you are. Like if you're a girl, it helps to have breasts, also known as a nice set of knockers.

We're going to concentrate on girls for now because that's how we were raised ok? So once you've checked out your anatomy to confirm that you do have breasts, you're ready to get started.

Of course even a girl without a huge bosom can get by if she's creative with her dance routines and she knows how to pose. That's a little difficult to articulate of course, but you'll know it when you see it so just checkout what other girls are doing and always remember, repetitive repetition is only exciting if you're doing it yourself. Watching it only causes people to yawn... repetitively.

For instance, you can get down into a reverse all fours position supported on your hands and feet with your navel pointing at the ceiling ok? Then you skitter around the table hoping the guys will put money or other negotiable paper in your thong panties or garters because they're grateful for getting an eyeful. It also helps to similate pelvic motions associated with human mating displays also known as sex.

Unfortunately, this can get old, that is boring, pretty quickly because guys have attention spans somewhat shorter than house flys. So it helps to have some other stuff you can do to keep the interest and money accumulating.

Being able to climb or shinny up a chrome plated pole is a very useful skill to include in a really creative routine. In many places these poles are actually installed in the centers of the tables, which have centers because they're round so all the guys sitting at them get pretty much the same show and doesn't have to yell, 'Down in front!' or something.

However, you need to be able to do this stuff with some semblance of grace. And if you seem to be a little uncoordinated the first time, don't dispair because you may already have the requisite skills. For instance, you could practice the routines from those gymnastics lessons your mama paid for that went for nothing because you got breasts before you got on the Olympic team.

Applying your youthful gymnastic skills diligently, you can quickly learn how to strip while hanging from your clenched thighs upsidedown without falling on your head. Stripping upsidedown is also known as giving the audience a different perspective because it might cause your breasts pop out of your bra almost by accident encouraging the guys to giggle and knowingly nudge each other thereby contributing to male bonding or whatever it's called.

You'll soon realize too that pole dancing is sort of different from what fireman do when they slide down one because the idea is not to put out the fire but to start one. That's because poles aren't just poles to the guys watching.

They're actually symbols of what guys play with to make themselves go blind or something. So just take your time, with the beat of course, and don't encourage the guys play with their 'symbols' or they'll go blind and won't see your act.

Also remember that all your moves should be orbital, as in going around in a circle or ellipse, so you don't get to the end of something, jerk yourself out of joint, and risk a collision with an asteroid or the floor. Plus stay in shape to avoid injuries from straining muscles you didn't know you had because you never bothered to ask your body where those muscles were. Remember too that guys aren't going to pay to see something they can see at home for free.

For instance you might note that his wife already has a paying day job and maybe even a prenuptial agreement that entitles her to at least half his assets, dead or alive. So she doesn't have much incentive to keep her abs enticing.

But you do because you want to keep your night job and stay in the running for the thousand dollar 'private performance' opportunities that sometimes present themselves along with the high rollers, also known as the guys who are top executive officers of obscenely overvalued multinational corporations.

Heck they might even take you to Cancun for a week and really make your month, so don't be shy. Give it try and the rest of the night is yours babe... or theirs.

Ok... that was the first edited version because I don't know how to do it on the copy that's here so I did it on the copy that's listed in my personal space... which is probably all wrong anyways... because the changes didn't show up here so I just copied and pasted them into the above post... blah blah blah... isn't this easy? NOT!!!!

Hows about 'Ingratiating Circle'?

That was a way cool entry btw. Nice of you to direct me to it... however shamelessly. You certainly don't bely the german reputation for thoroughness.

Ok... I see what you're saying now so I'm doing all the changes on the main copy and I'll just tell you when I've done them here like as in I just did some editing ok?

And thanks again so much really for taking the time to help me.

Hey, your entry does exist only once!

You've got two links on your personal space:
The link 'A731477 Dancing on tables..' is featured under 'Most recent Guide entries', and thats the link to the entry itself.

The one with the headline 'A731477 - Dancing on tables...' is the link to this here conversation, and it is listed in the 'most recent conversations' part. Note that only the Axxxxx-part is underlined.

It sounds more complicated than it is, but: there's no other copy of the entry around. The link in the first posting (up here ^|^|^ ) is just another link that points to the same entry, and you can use either one to open it for editing.

To put it in a nutshell: take a *close* look at those links: all *entries* on h2g2 have an Axxxxx number, users have a Uxxxxx number, and conversation threads have an Fxxxxx number. Simple, eh?


I'd say you're done with the Workshop

[Running the danger of confusing you again...] So now its time to move it over to Peer Review (PR). Mind you, 'move the entry' is the wrong word but that's what people call it. At the moment, the entry is said to be 'in the workshop' because this here conversation thread exists and happens to hang off of the Writing-Workshop page. Moving over to PR means that you remove the thread and create a new one which hangs off the Peer Review page. Again, this sounds more complicated than it is.
What you've got to do is this:
a) go to <./>RF2</.> (the Workshop by another name) and scroll down the listing until you see the the link, with 'remove' written next to it. Click 'remove'.
b) go to the entry, A731477 , and submit it to PR just the way you did when submitting it to the Workshop. Done

Ingratiating Circles
People suggested 'virtuous loops/circles' but yours is even better!

I'm leaving for the weekend now, see you on Monday!






Bossel

Thanks Boss.

I hope you don't mind me calling you 'Boss' because it's sort of a contraction of your cyberhandle and I'm pretty good at remembering one syllable stuff and because you're one of the best bosses I've ever had ok? You really must be very patient to explain all this stuff to the technically challenged like me and that's really sweet.

So I 'moved' it and we'll see what the Peers think. I told them to run it through the shredder so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands.

Hope you enjoy your weekend and please stay in touch ok?

I should probably say this in Peer Review, but I'll say it here. It is a great entry, funny, smart, witty, and even informative. I really like it.

If you are trying out a new style of writing, then you are doing really well. You are right, it does have a destinct cadence, which suits the subject and the style.

Go for it, girl!

Ben

Hear hear.

Thanks for the kind words guys... hope the rest of the Peerage agrees ya know? And if not... well it was fun and I got more bilge to lay on you in case you were running short or something.