h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*walks in, wearing a full bio-hazard suit*

Hi! Hmm... I believe we've met before. Was it that conference on Ursa Minor Beta a few months back?

*looks around*

I'd be lying if I said that it's nice place you've got here. Maybe you should clean things up before h2g2 health and safety get here? I'm sure that they'd put you out of buisness.

*jumps as one of the floorboards cracks, revealing a very dark room underneath*

Maybe I'll just return to my ship?

*presses a button on his wrist*

(into mic) This is Axe Storm, reqesting beam up. Be advised, I may need to be decontaminated upon arrival.

I'll come back down in a few days...

*beams out*

*In the distance you see a large silver ship transwarping into hyperspace*

oh my god you evil sadistic beast you put a hole in my floor if i catch you here again ill shoot you with my shot gun ha ha ha ha
*fixes floor*
*sticks a poster on the wall a poster has a picture of Axe
with writing uderneath offering a reward of 1000 Alterian Dollers for 50% or more of his corpse*
come one come all to the grotty bar the grottyest bar in town

*Transwarps in and activates Shield Generator*

You can find details of the Shield Gen on board the UBS Tripwire

Maybe you should maintain your floorboards better .

*waits around*

off my land why you low down no good floor board breaker stay right there ill go get my shot gun
*goes into back room comes back back with shot gun*
ive got you now little piggy
*shoots gun three times blows the entire back wall away but mistriously misses axe*
dammn i knew i should have bought more cartridges
*calls maintance man argues about price hangs up*
ill fix it myself
*fixes wall*
and now to take care of the maitanance man
*hires assasin to kill maintanance man*
one more problem to solve nobody visits my bar i know ill hire some hookers like the bar in dusk till dawn that worked for them
*phones a pimp and hire 100 hookers full time*

Looks like h2g2 don't like you either.

Thanks Moderators, you porbably saved me from getting shot or something .

Damn, they unmoderated it

I'd better leave before I get into trouble with Anna et al.

hey dont go your my only cutomer please dont leave ill give you a free drink.
*locks all doors*
ha ha now you must stay forever or until i get board
*wispers under his breath "i hope he doesnt realise that he can just kick the door in"*
ha ha ha there is no escape ha ha ha

*Knocks very loudly on door*
Hello! Somebody let me in! I don't have AIDS! Really!

ah a customer come in
*opens door, door breaks*
my door no
*cries on the floor*
please come in and dance with my lady friends there are lots of games you can play do you want a drink?

No I'm just browsing.
*walks around then floorboard breaks*
What the...?
*falls down hole and breaks legs*
AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no my precious floor boards not again and now he could sue me.
*pulls the dr from his hole*
are you ok? plese sighn this form sying that you wont sue me and you will also give me the 1000 Alterian Dollers entrance fee and the 100 Alterian Dollers for the broken floor boards

AGH! My back! Oh!
*Swirms on floor*
Do I have to paid for the surgery as well?

i dont know your the dr but i do know that i will shoot you if you dont pay for the charges mentioned.
*arms shotgun*
so are you gonna pay
*demonstrates the powere of the shotgun by shooting a dancing girl killing her in 1 shot*

*screams*
I don't have any money!
*attempts to run but miserably fails*
AGH! My back! Oh!

*makes up his mind*

I'm leaving NOW! (in his mic) This is Axe calling for immediate evacuation! Get me out of here!

*disappears*

no dont leave nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo come back please

[h2g2 Health and Safety Official] *walks in* Hello, I'm here for your regular H&S check. Please bring me all of the documents relating to this establishment. Now.

Can someone help me I'm dieing here?
*Crawls aross floor coughing up blood*

you will never close down my bar because there is nothing rong with it anyway i will just reopen a minute later

i wont help you dr help yourself or prehaps illjust shoot you now
*reloads gun*
sorry ill help you
*helps the dr and heals his wounds