h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Found it at last...I seem to have taken a small detour via the mens barracks .
Mmm as you say the dungeons have a little more appeal but I am sure I can find a nice corner and make it home.

Mort - Gothic Princess

In the furthest corner of the room, just visible, flickering in the dim candle light which seems to dissolve as it reaches the bunk is Mort's bed. On the black pillow, a small amber light flickers peroidically. On closer inspection, it is an eyeball blinking in the same friendly way that greeting someone with an axe through the head is - ie. not at all. 'Grebo' and the 'Death of Rats' both have a time share option on that particular pillow and neither take kindly to intruders.
To the side of the bunk is a small black chest. No-one except Mort knows what it contains, and even she wears gloves before reaching in.
There is a strange aroma, a mixture of sandlewood and somthing unmentionable.
A barrel of Scumble is fermenting at the bottom of the bed, nearby someone lies unconcious after having a small taste.
In the gloom, very little else can be seen, but you get the feeling that is somehow a blessing............

Cor!

I'll get right on it, sorry. Been out of touch for a while...

Havent made it back to the castle much anyway as been in a marvellous pub at the college!

Popped back for a kip, but not to worry as i will sleep on the floor until my bed is ready

*Servants bustle about the room, and quickly exit.*

[Servant] There you go, my Lady!

Now disturb me not for at least 24 hours - I have something to attend to...............the gloves go on and the chest is opened!