h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Mystrunner picks the orc up, and with a heave, sends it barreling into the side of the Dark Tower. Flames shoot from the back of a hand, crisping orcs everywhere.*

Hmmm...

hmmmmm

that just shows how stupid legions followers are!

Don't worry I wont kill ye...if you get me the biggest orc in the house...so I can kick their backside

i was gonna say kick legions backside...but u wanted a challenge

Don't you ever get bored of jive-talk? Oh wait, if you had to fight instead of flapping your jaw, we'd all find out how weak you really are...

*Makes small hand gesture. PG jerks, then flies up to hit the Courtyard wall so hard it cracks*

Cleanup in aisle three...now back to the real fight. Flying Corps? Do you copy? You may proceed.

*Two large containers are manhandled to the front line and cracked open. Hundreds upon thousands of black flies, mosquitoes and wasps fly out in a dark cloud and descend in a blinding mass upon the Knights*

Did I mention they were malarial, armoured and fire-resistant? Oh good.

*appears behind legion and hits him with large chunk of concrete*
i seem 2 remember u bleating 4 help when i had my dagger 2 ur throat!

But they aren't citronella proof?

Pulls out a huge citronella candle....the flies et al scatter

mwahahahahaa!

nice one FWT
once again legion....

Thanks P/G!

hes only saying im weak cos im on the good side
he was trying 2 get me 2 join him!

indeedee!

still hes an evil villain who wants 2 understnad him???

not me!

do u think hes ready 2 cry yet????

True, I tried to convince you to join me once PG. But that was before I really got to know you, you see. Now I reckon you're more of an asset working for the other side.

*The assorted insects, who are of course *way* too tough to tremble at citronella candles, regroup and swarm back at the Knights, tangling in PGs hair (). They crawl over the lumbering Guymelif, and into the various joints and hinges...*

hmmmm
*reaches into pocket,and pulls out spray and sprays it onto flies and they all drop dead*
useful stuff poison in a spray can
*stands on one of legions insects*
awww poor legion
y do u use ugly monsters and insects???
u always seem 2 fail

Oh, you shouldn't have done that. Oho no.

*Runs to shelter behind one of the larger, stupider orcs. The insects are alive - and now they are *seriously* p****d-off. They rise up in a billowing, buzzing cloud and descend upon PG*

That's right boys, lay eggs in her ears! Her ears, you dopes! Well, I guess the nostrils will do...

*PG is now thoroughly egged*

*electricity starts 2 crackle around PG.a field of lightning flares and all the flies fall dead*
ewww!
*tactfully removes eggs from nose and directs a bolt of lightning at them!*

*The joints in the Guymelif seal, and it hisses as the air is pumped out. The flies suffocate, and are expelled.*

It was designed to be operable in water, also...

Do you want to wait for the rest of the BOE? I mean, this is a little unfair...

Fine! Ill have to pick out the big guns

Pulls out a massive flyzapper: one of those bright blue numbers that attract all the insects and zap them: as seen in maccy d's all over the world!

Runs out the way before switching it on....


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