h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Accepts biscuits and tea, sits admiring the view*

Ta, Granny You said a bananana skin? It wasn't *gulp* Rasputin? But no, he's dead, deader than a dead corpse. Yet still the nightmares come...

Take a memo please, Mrs. Weatherwax. Announcing the formation of the Squirrel Corps of the E-vil Hordes. I'll meet a few of the little blighters and pick out the ones that are leadership material, then we can sort out the companies and battalions later.

*Takes a deep drag from the pipe, feels the stresses of the day begin to melt away. Smoke rings rise into the night sky. Sounds of battle can be heard from the Castle*

Hummm. War is hell, ain't it? Hehehe.

Mr Legion, I don't like to mention this but there's something red & lacy sticking out from under your robe

*Adjusts robe*

That's a present for... somebody. Probably a lady friend, I dunno, I'm no good at making up excuses on the fly - oops. Erase this entire exchange from your memory

*Snickers*

Thanks.

*Accepts Snickers, unwraps and eats it*

Mmmm. Peanut-y.

*Crumples up wrapper and, because he is e-vil, throws it on the ground - and not in the bin provided! *

*Slap.*

You can't just walk into my tower and slap me!

*Slaps Euan*

There. Now, can I get you anything?

*Slaps knee in silent laughter.*

*Slaps forehead in vexation*

*Slaps hand around a nice cool & offers all round*

No thanks. But I'll take any you might have...

Hmph. No water smiley. Yet another example of the alcohol culture which informs H2G2 management. Typing this after three beers, I admit, but my point still stands.

How about ? It's clear, anyway

Thanks, ML. would be nice.

Can I suggest a larger castle, a bit like Anthrax down the road? I mean, one thread is a bit small, isn't it? Where do you keep the orcs and squirrels?

*Hands Euan a cup of *

Enjoy. Yeah, Mysty suggested doing a proper page for the Tower back at the start of the war. But the whole thing seems to have died down now, so there's no hurry. Maybe we'll get around to it some day. In the meantime, I keep the squirrels billeted in the Forest, and the orcs seem to hang around outside hoping to be fed. More fool them.

*Sips at *

On the plus side, less Tower means less points of weakness. As I demonstrated in the Kitchens, and the Courtyard...heh Must have another invasion someday.

You can feel free to look around, you know. I've renovated the Castle. We have a civillian population, and the whole place feels much less empty now. By the way, would you like an honourary membership? Like being an anti-knight, or something?

You'd still invade from time to time, but still be welcome when you aren't!

A civilian population? Wonderful...some 'collateral damage' for the next invasion. That won't be for a while, rest assured. Since JJ seems to have agreed on peaceful co-existence behind my back...

*Scowl*

Some kind of membership title would be I'll think up something suitably demonic.

*Puts black, spiky thinking cap on*

*hands Mr Legion a file with 'Random Evil Thoughts for a Wet Friday' inscribed on it in juice*

Your file Mr Legion, did you want to finish that dictation now?

Can I borrow the file for some metalworking, if you're not using it?

Take a memo please, Mrs Weatherwax - the gates of the Tower should be locked, to keep out the punsters, double entendre-merchants, quippers and other assorted scum.

Certainly Mr Legion. Would you like that copied to all Heads of Departments? or should I ignore the ones on the spikes dotted around the aboretum?