h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Fester wears a Gas Mask.

well I guess that could explain it

I certainly think it does.

whoops, sorry. dinna mean to make yu jump. i mentuion i upgraded the comm system?

I'm supervising Dharak and Pestilence's operations in the Infirmary. You wanted to see me?

whoops, sorry. dinna mean to make yu jump. i mentuion i upgraded the comm system?

I'm supervising Dharak and Pestilence's operations in the Infirmary. You wanted to see me?

*Fester re-holsters his Stubgun in the recesses of his storm coat.*
[Fester] Yes, I did. You have been officially made a VIPER, as has the rest of the attack team. You are also officially our Chief Medical Officer. I thought you'd like to know...
...And one other thing; there have been several sightings of JACKAL, a terrorist force we believed long sinse destroyed. I sent Marshal to track one of them, and he's followed the trail to Khar Siid, the ship currently in orbit. Goto the Assassorium for more information when you have the time.
*Sits down to his paperwork again.*
[Fester] Oh, and tell Pestilence he's to pay for the broken weapons...

thanks, Cap'n. I'll pass the word to Pestilence in he same breath as the medical bill. Get it over at once.

The Khar Siid? I heard they've been actively recruiting people to go on a mission with. 'Parrently they've attracted some of the wrong type.

[Fester] Yes... hopefully not-
-that's 'Sir', recrash, not 'Cap'n.' Fester will do now, since you are a VIPER.

::Materilizes into the Office::
There you are!
So why did you want to see me?

[Fester] I'm going to have to ask people not to do that...
Ah yes, you have been officially promoted to a VIPER. I thought you'd like to know. The message board contains some other interesting information if you are interested in current events.

Oh Wowzers...I'm soooo proud of myself

(in holographic proxy)
hello, Cap'n, reporting in! how do you like my new digitized entrance?

*Looks up from his paperwork.*
[Fester] *in an innocent voice* Hmm? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What were you saying?

drat. earplugs.

*Presses a button, which generates an EMP field around the room. Manages to say just before Recrash's cuts out:*
[Fester] If you wish to talk further, you can use the door like everyone else...
...Well, like everyone else is /supposed/ to.

*Fester's comm-link bursts into life with an SOS from Dharackni* Sir! This is Dharackni! I've been captured by someone unknown, but i think it's the Eldar. I'm being held in a castle in the mountains, it will be impossible for me to escape on my own. Please send a team to help! *The comm-link cuts Dharackni's voice and says : The coordinates of the user are http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F84447?thread=190002&post=2115453#p2115453 *

[Fester] Hmm... *Picks up the microphone.* James! Alec! Report to the Nighthawk immediately! I have an assignment for you...

i'm here, fess. your dog is here.

dharak in trouble? I'm there.

[Fester] Are you alright Recrash? You sound... different.

It's called personality overlap. Someone's brought over my parallel self into this reality and there's a slight bleed of skills and memories from the two minds. Now, you fatass, does that explain it? Unavoidable, very sorry. It does give me... And edge.

(Turns from the sobbing and whimpering Angel and shuts the dark cell vault door. Tosses the bloodied metal-barbed-whip aside casually.)