h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Marshal] Ah, welcome to the Temple, Mystrunner. Did you recieve our message about Heval?

No, sir. I don't believe I did...

[Marshal] Information is available on the Message Board outside. There's a shuttle around here somewhere, registration A914618. That will take you to Heval, if you're interested...

*Craxus strolls in.*

Name: Craxus
Age: 1000+
Race: Elf/Vampire'
WoC: 2 Tribarrel hanguns, 2 Hellsing 35kg. Handgun - 13mm Silver-Tipped Shells, Nanotech Lazer Sniper Rifle, Lightsabres (if allowed), and duel elvish enchanted khukuri's.

[Marshal] Welcome Craxus, good to have you aboard. You're also a part of Hellsing, aren't you? We need someone who can take out Vampires...

Aye that I am apart of Hellsing...I have trained for longer than 20 human life years to kill all evil.

"Killed any yet?"

[A menacing figure walks in holding a head in his hands]

My name is Aries the God of War.(in Deathrattle-ish voice)
I come to Earth to teach mortals how to be evil and I sincerely hope you have not killed of my students.
My weapons of choice are the nuke, the shoulder mounted rocket launcher ,gatling guns and knives.
I am also into decapitation, defenestration and disembowelment .
If you have any questions ask my victims .[holds up head]

*Marshal stares at her. Many people have seen stares like this. Teachers use them when a pupil brings an old soup tin to show and tell.*
[Marshal] And?

* A sylph like female figure sidles silently into the room - so pale it's almost hard to believe she's human *

Hey there - name's Dyshari...

Most anything will drop once hit by my drugged shuriken... That which doesn't generally gets served up on a platter after a brief meeting with Fang...

* Dyshari caresses a long, perfectly balanced blade made out of a strange metallic compound that doesn't seem to reflect light *

Anything for a lady to do around here or y'all just kicking your heels?

[Marshal] There's plenty for a lady to do... like 2AM weapons training sessions. My name's Marshal, welcome to VIPER. The main notice board has details of our current assignments. Feel free to assist there if able, or use the facilities we have here.

Glad to hear it....

Thought I might mosy on over towards Heval and see if there is anything I can do to help out there...

Any recommendations on equipment for that area?

Other than the usual blades and suchlike...

* her blade appears as if from nowhere - a fine cut appears on her finger as she delicate places it on the razor sharp blade and disappears almost as quickly.... *

So where are my skills needed.

Hey there darlin'

Just what I was trying to find out....

*walks back in to find the room full of cadets*

Excelent. More people!

Where you say? Try Heval,thats where most of the baddies are to be found. Or you could go to the shrine world, where we're mainly mopping up the remains of the JACKAL forces.

If you're headed there, see you shortly...

Otherwise you can keep my seat warm for me...

That depends on who you're talking to.

"Would someone care to enlist as my assistant? It's very rough down on the Viper homeworld and Mydalia isn't much help. Anyone got any nursing experience? No? Well, I'll settle for anyone who looks good in white shoes and a miniskirt."

Why do you need help?
Not saying that I want to be your assisstant because I'm male and I wouldn't wear a mini skirt if you dropped dead and left all your money to me. Not in a nasty sort of way.