h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A good burning seems to do a city good. Some time ago I visited Chicago; where, I am given to understand, the very popular and attractive Park Belt, along the shore of Lake Michigan, sprang from from the ash and cinders of the Chicago Fire. Apparently, the city fathers of the time simply bulldozed the debris into what has become home to, among other things, Soldier Field, The Field Natural History Museum, a fine garden, and more baseball diamonds than you can shake a stick at (Ahem!).

This is what the Guide's for - developing bizarre and unprovable theories, by which we can all live our lives!

To add my contribution, San Francisco is regularly burned thanks to the broken gas pipes which often result from the ground getting a touch of the shivers. The main benefit from the quake & fire of 1917 (or thereabouts. I'm not strong on dates) was the building of a monument to the city's firemen on the hill above the city.

The two things about this which appeal to my prurient, puerile streak are that it is called the Coit Tower (nearly a rude word), and it is shaped like a gigantic fireman's nozzle, if you know what I mean.

You mean, if I may suggest, that it takes the form of Christopher Wren's last erection.

...also, it now occurs to me, a monument to another good burning, the Great Fire of London.

It's time for another monument....where's the matches?

Where would you suggest is most in need of little smoke and flame?

Manchester!

What makes you think anything that wet will burn?

Good point but that means most of the UK won't burn!

What you need is a Manchester version of Scarlet O'Hara.

That's me!

Apart from Old Trafford, are there any notable landmarks you would spare?

Not Old Trafford for a start! I might leave the Old House At Home Pub but that's about it!

This is like SimCity. What would you replace the rubble with? My choice is usually to replace everything I don't like with a garden. It's a bit sad about Old Trafford. ;-(

I think the rubble should stand as a monument to what happens to cities that get like Manchester. Like the idea of the gardens though so long as they are not too formal and people don't dump their shopping trollies in them!

My gardens are hardly ever frormal (Never to formal). People who bring shopping carts are seldom invited back. Is there anything in particular that would put Manchester ahead of , say, Paris on the list of places to be burned? The Eiffel Tower would make a superlative bean trellis. I've travelled through Manchester a few times (usually on the way to the airport), and it didn't seem especially offensive; no more than, say, Nottingham.

Yeah, I lived there and the people are generally awful. Every time something new is put into Manchester, for instance a park, it is trashed within weeks. but all the people do is complain that they never get anything and how lucky we are in the south to have such things as parks!

Do you want to come and do my garden? It's in need of renewal!

My own garden is a shambles, too. I'm afraid it's a case of the cobblers children having no shoes. That's an aweful shame about Manchester. I've heard the same thing said of Nottingham, where I come from. You get the sense, sometimes, that peoples standards, all over, are going down the toilet. The town where I do my gardening is quite an affluent one; but people just don't know how to behave anymore (I'm making myself feel old). I like to tell people about the "Keep off the grass" signs in the parks when I was a kid. We didn't always obey the signs. But we damn well knew we were expected to. I think that's the difference.

I don't want to seem old either but my generation had much more rspect for the things we had. We enjoyed them not destroyed them.

Exactly. We weren't exactly little angels; we got into trouble sometimes. But we were brought up with a sense of right and wrong. Our parents were responsible. I despair for some of the kids I see today. They run around like wild animals. What's worse, their parents don't seem to have any idea about what's acceptable behaviour. My two nemeses are canada geese and people. In their relationship to my gardens, the are almost the same thing. Sorry I'm ranting.