h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Rick Allen - Def Leppard's Drummer - A6780963
Author: LeppardStalker - U1598392

This is my first ever entry! I am a huge fan of Def Leppard, especially Rick Allen, so I want this entry to be good. I had my English teacher look over it, but she's kind of insane, so I don't want to trust her exclusively...
Any comments welcome!

Hi LeppardStalker

This looks pretty good to me! Something you might want to do is to break up the text with headers - things like 'Early Life', 'Joining Def Leppard' or whatever seems appropriate to divide your entry into neat sections. In GuideML (which I see you've already managed to start with, by putting in links) you can enclose your header in tags to make it appear larger and, well, more like a header.

Thanks for the tip! I've got the headings in now - looks a lot nicer!
Any comments on the content of the article, especially clarity and grammar?

This looks great to me!

A few things:

As a general note I would try and make the article a little bit more encyclopaedia-like, not as adulatory.

Quotes should be in separate paragraphs, beginning with and ending with

You could expand the paragraph regarding the crash. The car was a Corvette Stingray. Also, initial media reports claimed the operation as successful, very enthusiastically so in the case of the British tabloid press. This press attention actually ended up helping the band's career.

The sentence "He had a friend design foot pedals that would allow him to use his feet to play what he used to play with his left arm." could be reworded a little. You could mention that it is his left foot that plays what his left arm used to, using a programmable system of electronic triggers on the foot pedals.

Personally I think this is ready for Peer Review.

I agree.

Just thought I'd mention that his place in pop culture was assured when the joke band The Bloodhound Gang spent half a verse in 'Why Is Everybody Always Picking On Me' shouting "The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm!"

The Bloodhound Gang - ah, they were crap, but quite amusing.

Matt

Thanks everyone!
I'll make some of those changes, and move it over to Peer Review in the next day or so!