The Annual Innuendo Show
Rumour has it that the farmer got his oats
Last night, and Dave the baker had a leek
Outside his back door.
Clare is believed to have
A nice pair of melons
That all would love to see.
Old Mike, although botrytis has struck
His bottom bunch, still expects
His offering to stand up to scrutiny.
Mrs Brown has waxed lyrical
Over husband Geoff's enormous cucumber.
She's the envy of her friends.
And in Keatsian mist and fruitful mellowness,
In every shire the dalesfolk gather
For the annual innuendo show.
And children wait the judging
Of their deformed vegetables
All in the shape of Esther Rantzen's teeth.
While the vicar calls for more tea
And quite fancies a tart.