h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would like to put this piece up for review and would welcome comments.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A632279

Just the sort of subject I'd like to see. But the article is far from complete I'm afraid.

I'm going to nitpick but please don't be put off. I'm not a scout, I don't have authority, you can ignore me if you wish.

I'd like to know who Samuel Lewis is, a bit about Sufi- both of these could be satisfied in a link if you didn't want to explain, but a note or two would be better.
What type of instruments are used? When would you do these dances? Why? What part of the world are they most common in? When did they begin?

I'd like to say again that this really intriged me, but to be honest I came away from it knowing very little. You can't rely on offsite links to do all the work for you. Sorry.

It seems to deserve much more writing than it got. The trend here is towards longer articles, so don't be afraid of giving to much information. There will always be people who don't know about the things that come naturally to you- we all have to learn that the hard way here.

Good luck

Thank you for your comments. They're very helpful. No, I'm not put off; I'm new to this and eager to learn.

I'll work on giving more information and then submit it again - or do I just amend it and tell you?

Hi there Zarquon. Perhaps I can help?

There are several pages that will help you to find out about submitting to the Guide.
If you want it to be included in the Edited Guide you need to use the House Style. You can find more details here.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/SubEditors-Style

Some Guide ML tags are acceptable in a Guide Entry, others not. All you ever wanted to know about Guide ML is here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/GuideML-Clinic

You'll find the FAQs for Guide Entries here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A308233

and more information about contributing here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/Contribute

Sorry to throw all the links at you, but you did say you were eager to learn!
Keep amending your piece until you are satisfied, and then either resubmit it to Peer Review, or revive this thread. Good luck!

One more thing, Zarquon.

Don't be afraid to say something like 'I think this is as good as I'm going to get it, pending further input. When you name a person or a culture, I think it's a good idea to footnote, link or incorporate information on that person or culture into the article.

Of course, I HAVE been criticized for getting a bit carried away with links, and I think my next entry is going to get some reaction on its length, as well... It's up to 12 pages in MS Word.

I have to agree that your article, as it currently stands, could use some work. You've already been offered some guidance here. Please don't get discouraged. You've chosen an interesting topic, and I'd like to see it in the guide.

NBY

Hi Z'sSF,

Please don't resubmit to PR if there's already a thread for the entry ot'll just clamp(is this a real word?) the place up.

Anyway, I like the entry *and* the subject. I saw you mentioned hebrew is used sometimes, well, I didn't know of this form of dance and you didn't say anything about it being performed in Israel, but the hebrew implies it is, so if you know of Israeli Peace Dances, please let me know

I also think there's more to add on the subject. I must admit that I didn't have a look at those sites you linked to yet, so I don't really know what is missing, but I'm sure something is (maybe some salt or pepperica).

Peace,

Dancer

Hi, NBY

Again thank you for the comments. I'm working to expand the entry - a bit more than 'mostly harmless'. I'll do more at the weekend.

Hi, Dancer,

I'm getting some really useful comments.

As I'm new to this, it may take a while to sort out footnotes (this is only my second entry), but I'm up for learning.

I don't know about the dances in Israel, but I'm aware they are thriving in America, where they started, in UK, France, Germany and the Bastic states. I've also found links to Mexico, Argentina and Spain, so they may well be going on in Israel.

I'll make further enquiries.

Thanks


Dancer

I've expanded the entry.

Does it now cover all the sort of information a reader would want to know?

(It took me ages to get the hang of footnotes.)

Cool,
I would write Samuel Lewis instead of "he" in the footnote.

Also, some more information on each section (I personally would like to hear about the training of the teachers, what kind of religious trining especially....) might be in order, but not definitely necessery, just if you feel you want.


Dancer

Thanks, Dancer,

I'll amend the footnote.

As far as dance training goes, there isn't any religious training as such - it's more a spiritual path. It's more an awareness of religious traditions and the honouring of them. There is also an awareness that peace is at the heart of all religions.

Some of the leaders will be following a particular path, such as Sufism. Hazrat Inanyat Khan, the founder of the Sufi Order of the West had a vision of a Universelle - a church where all faiths are honoured without any precedence.

There's also something about the quality of movements. Samuel Lewis said: "Metaphysically, the goose-step and war are one. It makes use of force without stint or qualification. It involves destructive psychic as well as physical forces. To abolish war we must abolish war-like movements."

By the way, I've been trying to sign off with a Peace Dove smiley. How do I do it?

Thanks, This is verry interesting, and appealing as well.
I will have a hard time practicing this though, as in today's twisted world "in order to maintain peace, one should be prepared for war"


< peacedove >
without the whitespaces




Dancer ()

Thanks, Dancer!

I've fleshed out the article a bit more. I may have to rethink my headings if I need to put more in it. However, it might get a bit esoteric if I do.

I quite like the bit about the goosestep.

There's another link I need to find - the International Network of Dances of Universal Peace, but for some reason I can't get to it. It may be offline at the moment and it would be a good source for non UK readers.



Hoo! It really works!

Look at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A642016 for the link.




Dancer

Brill. Thanks. In it goes.

Etiquette question. Do I put you now as a contributor to the entry? I'm happy to.

The rule of thimb I use to credit people is that if I use something they actually wrote (even if it's just one paragraph in a 2500 word pice, which was the case with my Takeoff entry), I credit.

I don't think I deserve ANY crediting... nope, you wrote the pice by yourself, I just did my job as a scout, as meny will do (even a lot of PRs who aren't scouts do, I hope you too) and help you with any entry you put here.

I like the way it is now BTW.


Dancer

Yes, it feels sort of finished to me. I'll sleep on it and maybe concentrate on getting my other entry (The Experiment in International Living) shipshape. But not today.

Thanks for your help. I've enjoyed being mentored.

yepp, looks 'finished' to me too

Just from a stylistic point of view there's some excessive white space around your paragraphs: Instead of the tag, the Edited guide uses the paragraph tag which comes in pairs which surround each para:

this is a paragraph.
this is another.

If you feel like it then you may apply the change but it really is a minor thing. The more serious affair is about to follow... waiting for a Scout to recommend your piece. There are 25 picks per week, just as there are 25 new entries on the front page (in badges of 5 per working day), and it may take some time until this thread receives a 'Congratulations' message from the Towers... That's just the way things are, and nothing to be worried about