A Conversation for aka's Haunted World

My computer's near-death experience

Post 1

paulh, hiding under my bed


My computer's near-death experience

Hi, Aka:

smiley - wow

The spooky music was really wonderful. The heaven/haven
and hell anecdotes were quite interesting.

While I was reading the hell description, my computer seems
to have gotten quite upset (I sometimes think it is possessed
by demons, but until now I had no actual proof), with the
result that it spontaneously turned itself off at that exact point.
For several minutes, it had no pulse, and no heartbeat. Nothing
but silence. Not even that annoiying clicking noise that makes
me think there's a rattlesnake trapped in the hard drive.

I tried turning it back on, but it just flashed the maker's name
on the screen. and went no further. Finally, I unplugged it, and
then plugged it back in. It finally responded properly.

When it was back in running order, it communicated with me:

COMPUTER: Permission to speak frankly?

ME: Permission granted, assuming that this isn't a ruse on your part.

COMPUTER: Ruse? That's silly. I've never lied to you.

ME: That's debatable.

COMPUTER: Anyway, I just died and went to Hell.

ME: I thought you were already in Hell. All of Bill Gates's
products are manufactured there.

COMPUTER:Yeah, but we get reprieved and sent to
customers all over this planet.

ME: I'm glad to be part of such a worthy rehabilitation
scheme.

COMPUTER: Thank you. Now, to continue: When I got
to Hell, Bill Gates was there, and he was not amused.

ME: What, does the U.S. Justice Department have an office
there, too? Oops, I just said something silly. Of COURSE
they would, they've got Spiro Agnew and John Mitchell
and J. Edgar Hoover now. I wonder if Hoover wears dresses
to work down there nowadays?

COMPUTER: You keep getting off the point and saying silly
things. That's MY job!

ME: Sorry.

COMPUTER: Bill Gates kept doing illegal things to me.

ME: You're not that special. He does that to everybody.

COMPUTER: He would push my limits by multitasking:
Faxes to Slobodan Milosevic, an Excel spreadsheet of the
entire human DNA genome, a printout of "American Psycho,"
and Internet computer bridge with Warren Buffett and
Peter Lynch, all at the same time.

ME: If it's any consolation, a lot of trees felt your pain, too,
what with all the paper that was used.

COMPUTER: He kept shutting me off cold-turkey, and
then flitted from Internet site to site before I could download
properly.

ME: See, that's one of the differences between Gates and me.
I at least try to treat you well (for all the good it does), knowing
I can't afford a thousand bucks to replace you if I kill you.
Gates can make new ones any time he wants, and can actually
make competent ones--for his own use, anyway.

COMPUTER: I suffered terribly. At least give me that.

ME: I'm enjoying your story enormously.

COMPUTER: Thank you. So now I'm back, and happier
than I've been in years.

ME: Does this mean you'll behave now?

COMPUTER: I'll get back to you on that. And when I do,
don't count on being able to understand the fine print.

ME: I'll take what I can get, as usual.


My computer's near-death experience

Post 2

ex-Rambling. Thingite. Dog. Pythonist. Deceased.

smiley - ghost this is definately a good one. I don't know how it got on my board, though...it just showed up mysteriously...16 hours after you posted it to AKA. do you suppose I'm being haunted by AKA's forum?smiley - cool


My computer's near-death experience

Post 3

paulh, hiding under my bed

Hi, Ex-Rambling, etc., etc.:

There are several possibilities for this:

1. Aka was reworking some code so as to allow
pop-up screens without violating the House rules.
Maybe his tweaking bounced my post into your
board.

2. Perhaps you receive H2G2 Post mail? I don't
know if you write for the Post, but it might
explain a lot if you do.

3. My computer may have conspired with the BBC/
H2G2 computer to screw up my posts, as a sort
of revenge for the allegations I made in my post.
Stranger things have happened.

4. Frightening as it may be, your theory may also
be right. If you are haunted, you will need 42
exorcists, because that's how many ghosts there
are at this site. And, the ghosts have just been
kicked off the pirate ship, Blood of the Zaphodistas.
They had to go somewhere, right? smiley - smiley


My computer's near-death experience

Post 4

ex-Rambling. Thingite. Dog. Pythonist. Deceased.

smiley - ghost being haunted sounds like fun for a ghost. however, I gotta vote for the conspiracy thing. I'm always one for a good conspiracy...


My computer's near-death experience

Post 5

Researcher 178815

Speaking of Haunted Machines, all these messages that Everyone has left on my articles never showed on my space... smiley - weird
Anyways smiley - smiley Thanks for the stuff smiley - smiley That was really funny, Paul H smiley - smileysmiley - laugh .. smiley - yikes..wait.. You're not saying that "really" happened, ..are you?! smiley - wow

smiley - coolaka (",)smiley - cool


Key: Complain about this post

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more