h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think you may have been duped by some other, more fiendish, rodent. The most sinister plots the squirrels of my aquaintance are involved with are all related to either the theft of my lunch or the conversion of landscape drawings into nesting material. Sqirrelfish (Holocentrus ascensionis), on the other hand, are definately suspect. What mad cravings must lurk in their fishy brains, forever removed from the source of nuts?

So, they stealing your lunch and convert art into their homes? You have seen the tip of the ice berg.
Although I have never seen a squirrelfish, the name obviously shows their fendish nature and I would believe them capable
of anything a squirrel is. It would be prudent to be wary of these fendish creatures as well. Maybe you should write up a
report on the squrrielfish.

I may take your suggestion. The absolute lack of any reason for a fish to claim kinship with a squirrel is certainly grounds for the most extreme concern.

The deed is done.

are drunk Sqirrels locked out of thier trees?

absolutely. but squirrels r less harmless than rabbits - ever read
"Bunnicula: The tale of a vampire rabbit"? he turned vegetables into minion onions.

absolutely. but squirrels r less harmless than rabbits - ever read
"Bunnicula: The tale of a vampire rabbit"? he turned vegetables into minion onions.
oh yeah and purple is kewl.

I used to have to walk under a particular tree to get to school, and when no one was watching they threw empty nut shell at me.

No no no. It's the gerbils. Just ask anyone.

Why yes, I read Bunnicula as a child. In fact, just last week I commented to my roomate that my beers were being emptied while the capless bottles remained in the fridge.

I found this disturbingly similiar to the situation with the vegetables in Bunnicula: Every night vegetables turning up white with two little fang marks in their skin.

gerbils don't throw nuts... do they? and they're not as cute as hamsters.

Disturbingly so yes. if i were you I wouldn't be sleeping easy at nights.

It has been said that, squirrels are just rats with good p.r.

You are being too hard on the poooo-or wee things.

Okay, they eat holes in your house and dig up the plants you've just finished potting. But for most people they are the closest thing to "wildlife" the will ever encounter.

They also have the uncanny trait of behaving in a manner Walt Disney might have imagined, while under the influence of someone else's medication. This makes squirrels as improbable as Babel Fish. We should therefore show them a little respect.

I'd just like to say that, I *am* a squirrel and find all your entries quite intriguing....

And I know where you live...scratch, scratch...scratch, scratch...scratch, scratch..."aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh...wassat?"..."nothing dear, just a twig scraping the window or sumthin...".....

...or is it?

I want fifteen thousand unmarked acorns left at the foot of the big tree, left of the medium sized one, but north of the one that looks like a naked guy...or the dog gets it.

Don't forget about their ugly tendency to destroy bird feeders...

They are sometimes quite frighteningly intellegent, I must admit...

My dog's got no nose, so I don't care.

(I can't resist)

Your dog's got no nose? how does it smell?

He can't, he's got no nose.

no nose he smells awful obviously..oh the old jokes are the best jokes!