h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh come now, you must know that the Exclusionary Amendment allows me to move to Tower Hill anyway. How new do you think I am? I think you should be more careful with your traps. Like me. Oh, wait, I haven't tried any yet...

Why are we doing this? This is a load of crap. All this about "everyone should know the rules..." - it's all b*****ks. There ARE no rules, we make up this rubbish as we go along. What a pointless waste of time.

Okay, April Fool!! Had you worried there! (Had MYSELF worried for a moment!)
Right then, back to reality. Tower Hill, eh? A triple interchange, could be a good move - but knowing you, probably just a lucky guess. I'll go for London Bridge, with an optional riverboat connection to Waterloo if the weather's okay.

By the way, Norton II - are you still playing, or have you wimped out? Let me guess, this is all too much for you, and you're going to take a taxi instead!?

Darn that April Fool's Day, I forgot all about it. Now I'll have to do something to somebody else. Hmm...

Oh, anyway, back to the game. I think I'll move on down to Liverpool Street, and take three blue counters. As a bonus, the Reverse-Badgering clause takes effect, and everyone else has to abide by Osmond's ruling of 1975. A classic manouver, simply classic.

Sorry for the delay - it was the shock of being double badgered on a Thursday! And to use an Osmond as well! Is there no dignity anymore!
Okay then, I play a diversionary tactic, Caledonian Road and Barnsbury, taking two of your blue counters as compensation, and placing one on Kings Cross.

Sorry for not posting for a week. I've been lost in Rickmansworth...

Now that I'm back, however, I see that you have gone tricksy and taken my blue counters. My blue counters! Is nothing sacred?

Of course, now there's nothing for it but to move to Northwood Hills and take two and a half gold counters. Just try and take those! Go on, I dare 'ya!

Going for Gold, eh? You're playing the wrong game, mate! This is Mornington Crescent! Ahh, good old Henry Kelly, and his wonderful quiz show. The game that would accept anyone from Europe - so long as they spoke English! Not that we need an unfair advantage to win at anything, of course.
I would place a platinum counter on Fenchurch Street, but that would be childishly upstaging you. Instead I shall attempt a daring Double-Bunion and move to Harrow On The Hill, without even a hint of a counter.

Aha, i've been waiting 2 years for someone to make the Harrow On the Hill move. Now i can leap in and with one fell swoop place my green counters on all points North and East, playing the 1965 Isoceles alternative.

BLACKFRIARS

Ha!

Your green counters are but a minor annoyance. I counter the Isosceles move with Dollis Hill, thereby claiming a Three Hills Exploitation, which neutralises Blackfriers. I claim a public holiday!

I'll see your public holiday and raise you a delayed Shrove Tuesday (due to leaves on the griddle). Going round the square twice with a hint of lime should leave me free at Hammersmith, i think.

I'll have you know I happen to like my gold counters. As to this Shrove Tuesday, 'tis but a minor annoyance. I'll use the Broken Line Amendment to my advantage and move on over to Wembley Park, thus nullifying both the public holiday and the Shrove Tuesday. I also declare it lunchtime.

I see the game is getting serious now. Right. Gloves off. Bare knuckles. And a pair of shorts revealing hairy legs, to scare the opposition. Royal Oak. And a raspberry to the pair of you!

Ooh, that's nasty. Unmentionably nasty. You leave me no choice but to scurry on down to Stratford and cut off the Snaresbrook exit. And a raspberry to you, too.

Now we're jammin. Jammin....eh,eh? Oh forget it. I'll use my special 'Haleandpace' card to counteract that joke. Which also leaves me with no alternative( since Ben Elton did that play about a queen) but to place a traffic cone on the District line and move to Liverpool Street.

A traffic cone?? This is getting dirty! As for Stratford and Snaresbrook? Okay. Okay. If you want to play it that way...
Burnt Oak. A blue counter to anyone who can guess my next move. Two blue counters if you can't!!

Mm-hmm... I see. You're getting awfully tricksy now, I think I'll have to play it safe for a bit and move to Finsbury Park. And I'll take those two blue counters, thank you very much.

The Blue Counter Diversion worked a treat. I claim Oakwood. Stop me now if you can!

Holy zarkin' fardwarks, I cannot believe I fell for that. I mean, why would you offer me free counters unless you were trying to trick me?! D'oh!!

Ah well, what's done is done. I guess I'll try and repair the damage by moving to Earl's Court, thereby closing off the southwestern District Line. And I trade in your two blue devil counters for a gold one. Take that.

Gold from the Devil, you are on one SLIPPERY SLOPE there, Bumboof old pal! Earls Court will buy you safety for a move, but I play my masterstroke - Gospel Oak! That's three Hills, and Four Oaks. Surely I'm unstoppable now. Come on, make this game worth playing! (Saying that, I notice we seem to have scared off another player!)

Intimidated, confused maybe, but scared. Never. I see you've dug a hole for yourselves. It looks quite nice, what with the wood chip wallpaper and lashings of MDF. But a hole nonetheless. I now invoke the 27b/6 clause of the 1989 Peng amendment with a move to White City. The hour is upon us.