h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'd never know who to invite!

In my undergraduate days, I used to say John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester, because I thought that would be fun. As I've got older, I've realised he was probably a bit of an arrogant so-and-so, who would drink all the wine, criticise the food, patronise me, start some kind of fight by talking politics and probably end the evening by giving on of the other guests syphillis. That's the problem, isn't it? Great wits are good people to invite for interesting conversation, but they're rarely nice people - however much you enjoy their poetry.

That said I can't think of anyone I'd rather invite - no one I hero worship, as disillusionment would be hellish, and besides, they'd end up with the impression I was some obsessive fan girl - which I am - and worrying about that would probably ruin my evening even if they are as wonderful as I thought. Political, religious and philosopical figures all strike me as a little worrying. Could I really spend any time with Gandhi? What would we actually talk about? Would we just end up disliking each other? And the great mystery figures who you want to meet to find oout more about them, like Julian of Norwich, are not the sort of people who make for a party atmosphere. Jesus might work though, he liked a good time - although I don't actually speak Aramaic.

A good dinner party guest is the following things:
1)Unobjectionable to other guests there that evening,
2)Uncritical the food, even if it's vile,
3)Someone who will bring either a bottle of wine or box of chocolates (even if they don't actually do so - the intention is there)
4)Interesting. As in funny, friendly and pleasant company,
5)Not completely overwhelming to the hostess. That's fine for a tete-de-tete, at a dinner party it's just rudeness.

The problem is, a lot of people who have done/ said/ been through the most astonshing things just aren't the kind of people you actually want to spend time with in a social way. And if they are from the past they might well have views on gender / race/ religion etc which will make everyone else shudder, even without actually being unpleasant people. And I make again the point about hero worship; if Shakespeare, DNA, Mary Shelley or Neil Gaiman were there, it would not be a fun evening for anyone - I would be on edge, my other guests would be neglected, and the hero would probably be embarrassed. Plus the food would get ruined.

Ideally, I would need to meet these people for a couple of beers / cup of tea before commiting to inviting them. Then I'd know whether it was a good idea, and who else to invite. In that circumstance, I would check on allergies and preferences and try not to cook anything which would revolt them too much. Which is what I do for all my guests. We'd drink wine, unless there was a specific reason not to do so...

Wow alysdragon, you've really thought this through.

Maybe we should introduce a sub-section - guests we'd like to invite for pre-dinner drinks to weigh up whether they'd be suitable for a full evening at our houses. Maybe there could be heats. Gandhi battling Will Smith to see who would meet Brian Clough in the next round. That kind of thing...

It would certainly make good television, with some sort of phone in poll... I'd like to see Mohammed Ali and Aristophanes explain why they'd make perfect dinner guests in little sound bite friendly interviews. Slightly more interesting than most reality TV shows. Yeah, I think I spend a little too much time on this kind of question - it interests me more than things which are supposed to be more pressing concerns...