h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Hey ho, my dearie-oh - A53997691
Author: Beatrice. Come on Tim! - U190170

An anecdote related by a work colleague today at lunchtime.

This is a great anecdote.

There is a tension between the good-hearted welcome and the suggested threat. It could almost wander off into a horror story, with the mention of the bloke across the road, but the end totally defuses the tension.

Some people have horror stories on the brain.

To Beatrice: What a wonderful anecdote. Thanks for sharing it. That tells me a world about the people in that area.

I lost it at the word 'speed dating'.

Now that's how to tell a story.

I don't know if you are familiar with the radio personality and writer Garrison Keillor. He tells tales of his native Minnesota, a place he calls 'Lake Woebegone'. These folks would fit right in with Keillor's Norwegian bachelor farmers.

I have to ask: What is pavlova, and how do you make it? (Not that you need this information in the story.)

A165601 contains a recipe.

Aha. A delicacy. And gluten-free.

And this is popular where you come from?

Staggeringly popular! Our Womens Institutes produce recipe books almost solely containing ideas for tray bakes and sticky desserts. With possibly one recipe for a chicken casserole made with a tin of condensed soup and a packet of crushed crisps (chips ) on top.

This was terrifically funny and welltold. I was expecting pavlova to be something really heavy and hearty akin to our scrapple or here in the South livermush (that is made of strange meat by products) . Thanks for the recipe although I am not talented with meringes enough to tackle that one.

Aha. You people cook like us down here.

Not surprising, it's the same people, just geographically removed. The base culture in this region is 'Scotch Irish', meaning the cousins of those farmers who want to speed date.

Back in the 60s, somebody gave my grandmother a zucchini, which she thought was a huge cucumber. We explained. She said, 'Oh, a Eye-ta-lian cucumber?' Then, like my mother, she dredged it in flour and deep-fat fried the object.

Our church ladies' cookbooks are full of recipes for desserts using Jello or Coca-Cola. The one using Jello AND Coca-Cola is a pip.

Zucchini? We call it a courgette. You're Italian; we're French.

Good story, Beatrice.

TRiG.

A courgette, eh? (Goes around saying, 'Courgette', until hit over the head by an Italian market gardener wielding a large zucchini.)

The French never come here. They can't stand our jello. (They probably call it 'blancmange de liberte'.)

Time for a local joke (you have to do this in your best Norn Irn - think Jimmy Nesbitt rather than Paisley though)

Man goes into a bakery and says

"Is that a pavlova in the window or a meringue?"

"No, you're right" says the baker.

In my book, it's only a pavlova if it's got fruit such as in it. If it doesn't, it's a meringue.

Mind you, I remember eating pikelets when I was little. Everywhere else in the country, they'd be crumpets.

I'm told that if you get a Norn Irn person to say "There's a very furry fairy on the ferry", most of the words will sound identical.

TRiG.

It's almost identical where I come from.

North Carolina joke: Why were the Three Wise Men volunteer firemen?

Because they came from a-far.

Now I know how y'all talk, Beatrice. I've heard that Jimmy Nesbitt.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/Aviators

If you click on the Take it to the Max link on 'ere you can hear my actual voice!

I can't. I even installed the stupid player, and got stuck with another otiose toolbar. But I can't hear anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JrA6rg0LmI

Youtube any good?

Youtube is always good...

Or, as Elektra just said, 'Oh, they say 'guid', too.'

Have you ever heard Andy Griffith say 'good'?

(Beautiful doggy. )