A Conversation for The Alternative Writing Workshop

A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 1

Merry Anne

Entry: All Roads lead to Rome - A47730459
Author: Merry Anne - U13729717

I've worked on this with support and suggestions from dmitri.

Please let me know if it's more conclusive now. I'm open to suggestions. smiley - smiley


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 2

minorvogonpoet

I think this is better now.smiley - smiley And it's still funny. smiley - laugh

I'm less inclined to be incredulous if Anna is at least expecting an international flight.

It makes it easier to read conversation in a story if you put each person's piece of conversation on a new line, or even a new paragraph.


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 3

Merry Anne

Thank you. smiley - smiley
I've put the conversation in P tags now. You are right, it is easier on the eye.

'less inclined' - what does it need to be even more convincing?



A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 4

minorvogonpoet

Sorry, I was being a really boring bureaucrat and wondering precisely what documents you would need to go from Gibraltar to Boston, Massachusetts smiley - erm.

But I don't think you need to go down that route. I think it works much better now.


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 5

Dmitri Gheorgheni, Post Editor

A post-9/11 thought.


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 6

Beatrice

Looking good!

The "like frozen" jars with me a bit - would "as if frozen" be better?

And I'm not sure I follow the flashback to the classroom: she was in a classroom looking out at Gib, but beside a map of the UK....?


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 7

Merry Anne

Thanks Beatrice. I knew there'd be something I had forgotten. The UK map was a leftover from the first attempt, I've exchanged it now (the frozen bit, too). smiley - cheers

Still not sure this is going to go anywhere. I know that under the influence of tranquillizers you don't 'react' normal. As for MVP's question about the needed documents: I did say that: 'Her company had done all the necessary arrangements. They had even given her a map of the city and surroundings.'

I'd think that would include getting all the documents and whatever else was needed?

Is there any way to make it clearer?

If people read this and are annoyed, saying it is impossible, starting to check flights etc, then this is a waste of space and I'll just remove it and forget about it. No big deal. It doesn't claim to *be* true, just to *sound* true. If I can't reach that, so be it. It was still an experience. smiley - smiley


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 8

Dmitri Gheorgheni, Post Editor

Clear to me...

Companies make those arrangements, even to (perhaps) getting necessary visas. And could they do it wrong?

Is the Pope German?

smiley - winkeye


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 9

minorvogonpoet

I think it's fine now.smiley - smiley

My employers never sent me further than Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England, but my brother, who was a biochemist, based in Baltimore (USA) got to go to conferences all over the world. There were occasions when he said he could hardly remember which continent he was on!


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 10

Merry Anne

Ooh, thanks everybody. I'm really grateful for your questions/criticism and suggestions. smiley - smiley


'My employers never sent me further than Newcastle-upon-Tyne,' - my employers never sent me anywhere, so this was really guessing and remembering some of the things a friend of mine told me. smiley - biggrin

'Is the Pope German?' I think so, but shouldn't the question be: Is the Pope Catholic? Because whatever nationality any Pope may have, he'll always be Catholic. smiley - winkeye


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 11

Dmitri Gheorgheni, Post Editor

smiley - laugh American joke. We always used to say 'Is the Pope Italian?' till he wasn't.


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 12

Merry Anne

I had to look it up, as I couldn't recall an Italian Pope. smiley - bigeyes

You can't be *that* old, surely? smiley - run


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 13

Dmitri Gheorgheni, Post Editor

smiley - rofl Oh, you smartalecky young things....smiley - winkeye

Yes. I am soooo old I remember when...

...a computer took up a city block.

...the cassette recorder was a peachy-keen new invention.

...not all televisions came in colour. (And they took about five minutes to 'warm up'.)

...a transistor radio was the latest musical device. With a tiny earplug. People worried about the effects of this on the youth.

...nobody had every heard of a digital watch. (So the word 'analog' was never used.')

...people asked you seriously if you thought we'd ever put a man on the moon.

...herds of turkeys were driven through the streets of Philadelphia.

(Okay, I lied about the last one. That hasn't happened for at least 200 years.)


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 14

UnderGuide Editors

Congratulations, Merry Anne - your Entry has been chosen by UG Miners for inclusion in the UnderGuide! smiley - bubbly


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 15

Dmitri Gheorgheni, Post Editor

Well, knock me over with a feather. smiley - bubbly


A47730459 - All Roads lead to Rome

Post 16

Merry Anne

*rubs eyes*

smiley - coolsmiley - magic

*mumbles: Maybe I should get back to writing one day.*

Thank you, dear UnderGuide Editors and all who helped with this.

smiley - bubbly


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