h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I could always smell them lurking from miles away. They stink of cabbage, you know...


*promises to play some funky beats on his set tomorrow, for now he must sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppp...*

I'm pretty sure I could play a few flute riffs that wouldn't wake you up, but I'll just imagine sitting by the camp fire, slapping my thigh for rhythm and humming instead.

*wakes up and sings...*

Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don't you thing the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty,
See how they snied.
I'm crying

*then jumps to his set and eagerly awaits Mund to play his flute so that he can join along*

Cyberflutes have heavy keys, but at least you can rely on their springs.

Let's start with a slow melody. The rhythm and tempo is up for negotiation, but I mime a slow, gentle rat-a-pan near the keyboard (and correct the resulting mis-spellings).

Key - D minor
Notation - b = flat, ABCEFG = whole note, A/B/C = half note
Time signature 3/4 (though that may vary as we go along)
Tune - D E F | high C (sustained for a bar and tied to...) | high C Bb/A/Bb/G | D E F | high C high E high D | C (sustained for a bar while we wait for someone else to join in...)

A magic moment! I was typing the tune and waiting to send it. My son came in, said there was a noise in the dark outside his window. Action stations! But the torch showed that we had a fox investigating the garden and gibbering to its family. Everybody relaxes, and this tune has to be named "Fox".

But suddenly everbody disappears again. Mother of God! (As you might say.) What did you put in the water? It was water, wasn't it?

Hi

It's all gone quiet again. MoG, do you have the ingredients for what we used to call a Kirby special - rather a lot of high-octane rum, a good squirt of lime juice and enough mineral water to turn it into a long drink that everybody will think is quite safe?.

Was it the fox or was it the attempt at musical notation? I won't try the latter again, but I had this tune in my head and I could write it down (OK I might try it again if there's another tune in my head and I think somebody can read it).

Of COURSE I have the ingredients for anything you could think of. That's one of the benefits of having a MoGgie with a magic bag as your resident bartend. Normal limitations don't apply.

*pulls black satin tophat from her bag with a flourish*

I have a trick for you, if Yossarian will give me a drumroll, please.

One of the most interesting musical experiences I've ever had was in Cardiff (Wales), where a city centre art gallery set up a doomy, spooky, darkly lit display of kinetic art - things whirling and tipping and falling against backdrops of black-painted walls and shelves.

The music? Various keyboards rescued from who knows where, but hooked up to enough amplification to fill the immediate vicinity and (if nobody else was playing at that exact moment, and if you could coax the beast into performing its best) the whole hall. We managed some very respectable Vincent Price moments as balls and mirrors and mannequins swirled before our eyes.

Other cocktails...

The Old 18: lots of grapefruit juice (preferably pink and freshly squeezed, but then that comes up in other contexts as well), too much vodka and enough mineral water to make it look respectable.

The Trinity (revealed to me by one of my uncle's priestly colleagues): similar and enormous quantities of vodka, sweet vermouth and dry vermouth, served warm and disgusting. It works, but I wouldn't recommend it.

*ahem*

~drum~roll~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, a chunky rhythm in four, on bass and hi-hat so you have at least one hand free for a cocktail...

*shakes her hat vigorously and a plops onto the table*

That wasn't the trick, just a surprise

*Displays an obviously empty hat and pours a cossmicpolitan into it. A moment passes, the hat drips a little bit. Suddenly a **POOF** of vapor and a flies from the hat.

Another belch of vapor and fly in formation through the room, singing "Amazing Grace" with a reggae beat.

Please ask the doves to go and find somewhere to roost, then we can all settle down.

Apart from the magic tricks (or secrets of the universe, according to your philosophy and/or what you've been sampling), this seems to have become a divinely inspired drinking den where music might be had from time to time. I can live with that.

Can you beat a rhythm in time with the movement of your throat as you swallow something interesting? Can you keep that rhythm going when the glass is empty?

By the way... who's washing up? Or does MoG have a cosmic dishwasher trick? (Please...)

While we're drinking, we could put up some almost horizontal bookshelves so people can drop in and read weird books and comics, drink excellent but totally unsuitable cocktails and sink into armchairs that smell of quicksand...

...while they wait for a musician or two to turn up.

*after nearly a week of drumrolling, he passes out, comes to, and backlogs*

The Pit can be whatever we want it to be, Mund. We just need a few more musicians for it to be a place where researchers can hear music, and regarding publicizing the thing, we should have no problems...

So put a drum round your neck and we'll go out into the streets and sing the praises of the Pit.

Can't now.

Busy.

Work.


Tomorrow.

Promise.


G'night.