A Party Election Broadcast on Behalf of the 'I Vote For Me' Party

1 Conversation

Just an ordinary day on h2g2 ...

Camera fades up on a typical threadscene, hootooers busily posting; but something is not quite right. There are groans, complaints, much rolling of eyes

"What's Up?"

"Don't know. Not feeling quite right. You know..."

"Ah - that'll be the weight of the hegemony"

"Which hegemony?"

"The 2legs hegemony. There aren't any others"

A young, carefree badger appears and starts gambolling through legs and bags, happily sniffling his merry way down the thread. Suddenly, a menacing figure appears...

"C'mere, you!"

The figure imposes the terrible weight of the 2legs hegemony on the badger (this probably involves straps of some kind). Under this burden, the badger collapses to the pavement and lies groaning. A concerned bystander rushes over

"Won't somebody help this poor badger? Hypatia? Clive?"

(long drawn-out silence)

"Won't somebody remove this badger's hegemonic burden? Serephina? Gnomon? Fords?"

(really uncomfortable silence)

"Any of the presidential candidates? Anybody?"

*Fade-up* Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da




Brian Blessed: Reddyfreddy's alive-live-live-live-ive-ve???

Reddyfreddy swoops down and smashes the hegemony from off the badger's back. He then:

Achieves World Peace

Forces the overthrow of the Robert Mugabe regime in Zimbabwe

Withdraws from Iraq

Dispenses free smiley - ,smiley - and smiley -

And then he stops. He knows better than to announce huge numbers of dumb promises and insult the intelligence of everyone within hearing range - nor does he stoop to bribery - because he knows that anyone, anyone at all, can tootle over to the 'I Vote For Me' Campaign HQ and ask for whatever they'd like. He's giving power back to the people ... because a vote for 'I Vote For Me' is a vote for yourself

Hegemony: "Curse you, Reddyfreddy! I'll be back"

Natural Choice for President Reddyfreddy: "Ha ha ha!"


The h2g2 Presidential

Election 2005 Archive

29.09.05 Front Page

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