h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Aye aye Captain Doctor Sir Ma'am! By the way, I'm happy to report that the traitor isn't in the torture room, even if one of my kidneys still is.

Kidneys.... Pah you don't need them,
get on with your work that cat/man

Sa'am!

*disappears into the night*

*Swiftly climbs apple tree and spies out lie of land*
"Beg to report that there are two shadowy figures in the distance, ma'am! They appear to be conversing with some intensity!"

*third figure enters BP's vision range but stays out of sight of other two figures*

"Beg to report that a third figure has entered my vision range but appears to be out of sight of the other two figures! It seems to be moving stealthily but rapidly towards them!"

could it be EC?

*watches from shadows of the grove*

*draws two long knives*

shadowy figure 1: Please I think there onto me... things are too quiet lately

2: Silence you fool, if you don't keep up this act then I shall get another operative

1: but you havn't told me what...

2: just speak with there accountant, I'm sure you can charm him easily enough...

*2 leaves*

*steps up behind figure one and puts knife to his/her neck*

Please be stating your name, rank, and serial number.

*Drops from tree and pursues figure two*

1: Elsie, scouting capitan, 2241delta854....
and you must be the accountant... *purrs*


*figure 2 climbs a high wall dropping to the other side and runs*

Something wrong with your throat? If not, something can be arranged.

1: Well if you!! oh I apologise, where are my manners, what a handsome cat you are, so strong and masculine

*Scrambles up wall and drops down other side*
Aaaghh! My ankle!

2: *fires crossbow at BP*

*Rolls over; bolt thuds into wall behind*
*Pulls dagger out of belt and hurls it at figure two*

Regardless, we're going to see the Guildmaster. Hup one! Hup two! March! *meaningful poke with second knife*

1:*complies with EC*

2 Ahgh!! *falls onto ground*

*Hobbles over to prostrate figure, pulls out nastily serrated knife, and holds it to figure's neck*
>>Darn it, I can never think of suitable one-liners on the spur of the moment<<